irate mat

it's an anagram.

last night i had a dream of people getting shot, and you died. maybe i've been watching too much desperate housewives. last night i was also thinking about what i would do next year, but i don't want to think about it now. you've got to hold on to me, or i'm going to stray away.

apparently there's a class outing today. but i'm not going for it. why? because.

there's syo rehearsal tonight, and i'm really tired. i can't wait for the concert to be over. i don't want to think now.

WHO CARES? WHO CARES? WE ALL HAVE PAIN. EVERYONE IN HERE HAS PAIN. BUT WE DEAL WITH IT; WE SWALLOW IT; GET GOING WITH OUR LIVES. WHAT WE DON'T DO IS GO AROUND SHOOTING STRANGERS.

symphony

it was a bright and sunny beautiful day today. and the cool air made it feel like i was back in finland or denmark. the sky was clear and blue. i woke up early to go for syo rehearsal.

we were reading beethoven's seventh symphony. to be honest, it made me feel quite awful. because i just couldn't play it. and then i realised that my sight-reading has just become so terrible. i couldn't subdivide the way mr sze used to tell us to. but it doesn't matter now, i won't play it next time.

jonathan said he saw meteors last night. i've never seen them before. the only ones i see are when i dream of them. we went to food republic at wisma atria for lunch with yuze and xueqian. oh yes i went for the curry rice and honeydew sago again.

i wanted to talk to you today, because i missed you yesterday.

don't friend you

it was another beautiful day. now, i don't think that we get so few of them. in fact, i think that we get them everyday. it's just that i never used to pay attention to them in the past. but now i will not take them for granted anymore. last night, i cried like mad. then i reached a state of unfeel, and i just sat by the edge of my bed, staring into space.

my violin examination was today! i think i wouldn't fail yay. wah ruolin played ravel nicely. i messed up beethoven a few times =( the examination seemed to end too quickly. don't know if i played long enough. and the room just started to get warmer and warmer. by the time i finished playing, i was sweating a bit.

went to the airport to see siuchu off. on the train to changi i was just thinking so much about syo and everything that's going to happen next year, and i started to feel sad. i reached the airport very early, so i ended up sitting alone at the arrival lounge for a long time, wishing that one day i could fly off too. then i went for swensen's ice cream, and i felt much better after that. food therapy works all the time.

i was feeling terrible again after a while, so i went to the viewing mall to look at the aeroplanes. then i realised that at the viewing mall, you could take your pain to the skies. it was raining over changi, and looking out of the glass panels, i just felt the rain washing away everything. and everything gets lighter when you watch the aeroplanes take off.

lunch was at crystal jade, and weiyang ordered the omg-nice dim sum. and weiyang has found a new hobby, which i call 'poker', and it involves poking yiyan everywhere. haha i thought it was quite fun too. dinner was at mos burger. and weiyang surely gained like 2kg from it. he also went for more food after mos burger. pig!

i rushed back for syo rehearsal, and i was walking as fast as i could wearing bloody slippers.

no, you don't hate me. you simply don't care about me. i used to say 'don't friend you' to you. and you would reply with 'good'. and the senior teaches the junior (a lesson). goodbye then, you no longer have that power over me.

when i quit chamber to join art club, beejuan and jia en once wanted to throw me a party to welcome me. but i rejected the idea, and now i know why. because, somehow, the party would make everything real.

honey, i love you. because 'pain' and 'rain' are derived from the same key-presses on the handphone.

the wet weather plan

it wasn't a very good day; i'm typing this in quite an awful mood. well, to be fair, the day started out fine. it was another beautiful day. who said we get so few of them? i went to syo camp at around the lunch break, then things started getting terrible.

i walked past the soccer boys and adriel said a very warming 'hello'. managed to practise with ruolin a few times today, and i'm really happy that ravel sounded quite good. hope everything goes well tomorrow. shirong was playing amelie, the piano and forrest gump on the piano. so nice!

tiapyang came at dinner time. and then i was wondering why he gave me death glares when i said 'hello'. then i saw him chatting happily with shanghui. well, maybe it's just me, and i'm sure james would agree.

the most awful, beyond awful, thing happened today. mr lim pseudo-scolded me for not hooking my thumb when plucking. actually, it was that one time i did hook my thumb on the fingerboard. but i supposed mr lim didn't like to be contradicted, and so i kept quiet about it. but i was really feeling very sad. you would have no idea how sad i was. i actually went to cry during the break. all the times i never hooked my thumb, he never said anything. and this rehearsal was the one that i set myself to actually make an effort to do it every time i was plucking. =( i even made a conscious effort to do it for bolero, until i got so tired of it.

i felt terrible, because i was already giving all my best to syo. if i didn't want to give my best, i wouldn't even have turned up for this rehearsal, given that my violin examination was tomorrow. just what holds us back from shouting at people who've upset us so much? is it fear? respect? or is it just the pain?

i give my best for many things that i think is worth my giving, but i feel as though i'm never appreciated for anything. but it's ok, everything will be ok. i'm leaving syo after this concert anyway.

atcl tomorrow. it's impossible to fail. and if i do, i shall have to cry again.

agarose

an uneventful day. i sat in front of my computer for hours burning cds so that i can delete music from it. now i've removed about two gigabytes of stuff, so hopefully my computer starts moving faster. thanks to siuchu, my room now looks like it's ready for christmas! omg syo camp is tomorrow. and violin examination is in two days. and shanghui told me before that it's impossible to fail an atcl recital examination.

oh amanda got me into the mood to listen to the carpenters. when they get to part where he's breaking her heart, it can really make me cry.

greener on the other side

rise is going to play at carnegie next year =( and xueqian said that joel would be playing too. the alumni perks i guess. i don't have the money to fly there and live the american dream. and i feel like playing suk serenade. this is awful.

(bracket)

oh dear i cried when i watched the seventh episode of desperate housewives. i cried last night also. and then this morning i woke up at 10 plus. had a violin lesson with ruolin accompanying. oh wow everything was ok except for ravel grr.

sweetie, we can't prevent what we can't predict. and then i thought i should enjoy this beautiful day. we get so few of them. read the cosmetics.

and it's rainy now (again).

stretch

i couldn't connect to the internet this morning =( oh the third season of desperate housewives is so exciting i watched seven episodes at one go yesterday! had practice at ruolin's house in the afternoon. yay the notes in ravel have come out. and she can play 'sonatine'. i weighed 60.0kg on her weighing machine omg.

i saw a pair of yellow birds on a tree near her house. on the bus back, i was thinking that i may have left my scores behind. when i reached home i realised that i did. it's been rainy these few days. but i think the monsoon has come earlier than usual.

every storm brings with it hope, that somehow by morning everything will be made clean again. and even the most troubling stains will have disappeared. like the doubts over his innocence, or the consequence of his mistake. like the scars of his betrayal, or the memory of his kiss. so we wait for the storm to pass, hoping for the best, even though we know in our hearts some stains are so indelible nothing can wash them away.

clay

oh last night was wonderful. i got a completely free meal at swensen's! and then i received five bottles and one jar of this and that. i didn't have a round birthday cake this year. this time i had a small rectangular one from breadtalk.

i've got the third season of desperate housewives from clara! but i wish more people remembered my birthday.

dirty little secret

eh read my entry on 22nd november 2005. surprisingly, everything still applies (including the weather), except that johnny rocker wasn't the first person to wish me happy birthday this morning.

happy birthday to me.

overdue

it's the midnight of my birthday, but no one has come to wish me happy birthday except for clara. not my old classmates, nor x'fotia. no, not everyone remembers my birthday. what happened to birthdayalarm.com? never mind, i'll wait till tomorrow night to see if anyone would remember. i wish that shanghui did.

faction

i had a weird dream where i was looking at my father's old photos. old photos with my aunties and grandmother when they were younger. and i can recall vividly the photo in the dream which had a car, and my second auntie was in her graduation clothes. now that's really weird, because how could you dream of something that you've never seen before?

it was a gloomy evening today. so rainy. i went to tao's for dinner. just slightly more than a year ago i was there. the food still looks and tastes just as good. i still like the crème brûlée and the way every dish is so stylishly presented. and i've got the 10% discount card now.

the million-dollar question: what do i want for my birthday? i've finally found an answer today! i want a birthday card for my birthday. the traditional, old-fashioned birthday card. because i just realised today that i get only one card each year, and it comes from my insurance agent. that's so sad!

albeit

we make choices everyday, and understand some of them. we choose the green vegetables over the yellowish ones because we know that the green ones are fresher. we choose ben and jerry's over magnolia because we know that ben and jerry's is nicer, even though it's more expensive. and when we understand the choices we make, we are able to look past those choices. we know that eating fresher vegetables makes us healthier than eating yellowish ones. we know that eating ben and jerry's makes us happier than eating magnolia.

but once in a while, we make choices that we cannot understand. and when we cannot understand those choices, we cannot look past them.

red

it's sad that there isn't any binding service near my house. went to bukit merah to get the syo scores bound together. i took a bus from bukit merah to go to my old house. didn't know where to get off, and so i ended up at mountbatten. didn't know how to get back, so i took 158 round tanjong rhu to aljunied mrt station. and then i took the mrt back home, so i didn't go to my old house. (that's pissing.)

there was an advertisement on the train for okamoto condoms. so weird.

advertisement 5

singapore national youth orchestra presents

invitation to the dance
1st dec 2006
1930h
victoria concert hall

programme:
weber invitation to the dance op.65
gluck dance of the blessed spirits
ibert flute concerto
benjamin jamaican rumba
glazunov concert waltz op.47 no.1
strauss im krapfenwaldl op.336
ravel bolero
marcus tay, flute
lim soon lee, conductor

tickets at $8, available at all sistic outlets.

-ology

practised with ruolin today. yay ravel is taking some shape. i really don't know how to practise the semiquaver passages in beethoven anymore. and the recording i have sounds so clear; i can't fudge past the thing in the examination =(

i need chocolate therapy now. i've been crying over you for the past two nights.

oust

sobs i realised that my entries are getting so short that my sidebar is starting become longer than my entries put together. so, i'm going to do some unconscious writing. unconscious writing is when you just keep writing about something, without pausing to think for very long.

when you lie about lying, are you lying? well, i should think so. you see, the point is that you are lying that you are lying, and that means that you are lying. but the question is: how do you lie about lying? for example, i say 'you are stupid.' and then later i lie and say 'i lied about you being stupid.' so, if i lied and said i lied about saying that you were stupid, then that means that i didn't lie about you being stupid, and that means you are stupid!

because indifference and neglect cause more harm than outright dislike, hate me. i would love you to hate me. right here, right now. because the opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference. because if you hate me, it means that you still care about me. because love is the irresistible desire to be irrresistibly desired.

satan is the snake that tries to bite and poison people. i don't understand why satan tries to make people lose contact with God. you see, if there was any thing satan could do to make people believe in God, it was to try to pull them away from God! reverse psychology! then again, this becomes a two-way thing. maybe God doesn't want people to believe in satan, and does so by pulling them away from satan, which should mean that, by reverse psychology, people would start to believe in satan. but why isn't this happening? ask the organisation called 'the church'.

the concept of good and evil is not easily understood. i suppose the bad people will always believe that they are good. you get it? it's just so hard to explain. two parties opppose each other. both must believe that they are good, right? and then they oppose each other to impose their power or something. but it is only an outsider who decides which is the good party, and that's like history. different people have different views and the winner dictates history.

there. a substantially long post.

reflux

i was sitting at the newton bus stop. the sun today was blazing, and i was staring at the glaring reflections from the vehicles' windscreens. walked past at the ccab corridor. and so apart. yay practised a bit with ruolin today. went to esplanade to do some shopping, and then i binged on kfc for dinner.

because there is no 'we'.

there is only 'you'.

and 'i'.

and both of them are not a single entity.

influx

whoa just came back from my sister's birthday party (even though her birthday is in two days (and mine is in five)). the turnout was so bad at first and the catered food didn't look like it would be finished anytime soon. then more people came, but there was still so much food. i think i'll have to eat it for the rest of the week.

costumes, costumes. my sister was snow white. haha weizhen was a samsui woman. xueyi coiled her hair up, which looked so funny after she removed all the coils! there were some witches around. and belle. and boxers (people who box). and masks.

the cake was nice. i think i ate too much. and i haven't exercised since the promotional examinations. 'dotage' sounds like 'dota'. it's the word-of-the-day at dictionary.com.

defragment

today has been uneventful. i bought melty kiss from watsons. my sister sent an sms to me by mistake. it was meant for her boyfriend. shhh!

from this moment

i woke up at 1pm and practised violin. yay i took a break to sweep the floor. i've got oatmeal cookie chunk in my freezer!

ab ovo

weiyang brought us melty kiss today! we were shopping for groceries at great world. i saw a lady who looked so much like jacqueline du pré. yay baking the cake was fun. i chopped up lots of chocolate.

weiyang the pig kept sleeping, and even the smell of the cake couldn't wake him up. we played asshole daidi and bridge, all the while trying to lure jia en into her room to fnid her birthday present. it was a music box and we put it to play so that she thought she was hearing things.

clara came with breadpapa's cream puff! then we played more cards. oh asshole daidi was fun when the three commoners pooled resources together to overpower the royal family! the cake was further designed, although i thought it looked quite a mess.

the taste of the cake was nice, but the texture was bad haha. i couldn't find the word to describe it until i finished. it was like eating 马来糕.

oh we played two games of pomelo! it was so fun! my name was 'mama lemon' and 'happy new year'. haha it's so funny when you just can't recall names and start mouthing stuff that don't make sense. and yiyan always forgets to call his own name! clara likes to choose impish names like 'santa's little elves'. so hard to call.

i discovered that 'lips' and 'kiss' are derived from the same key-presses on the handphone.

learn

i'm defragmenting my hard disk now and it's like taking foreva. like, totally.

quick bite

i had a nice dream last night! and it involved some chemistry experiment. there was a big round-bottomed flask containing black solution. someone dropped in something which caused a 'pop' sound and then the black solution effervesced until it was decolourised. there were some clear crystals could be seen at the bottom of the flask. somehow, it felt like snape's dungeons. i didn't do a test for the gas during the effervescence. fail!

feature

i received a surprise visit from yiyan at my door. aww. so everyone came, and then we went downstairs to play on the swing yay! and then there was viennese swirls from marks and spencer. then we played asshole daidi. eee weiyang that bitch kept winning. well, i was in the royal family for a while. then we played bridge and i never lost yay!

i happened to play freecell game #29855 today.

moulin

my violin teacher says my new bow is made of pernambuco wood, which comes from an endangered species of trees =( and i got it for only $300. he's also got this band which contains some thyme thing, and it somehow makes your wrist relax when you put it round your wrist. maybe it's just a figment of the imagination.

oh yay i got to practise with ruolin today. i like ravel =(

accord

heavy downpours are coming to singapore. had to take a taxi with yuze and xueqian from the mrt to get to ccab. omg the flooding was quite fast. some of the drains had already exceeded banfull discharge. and the big canal was quickly filling up. omg, and to think that i wrote in my geography paper that the 'bukit timah canal drains water quickly away from the flood-prone bukit timah area'.

i was happy to get to syo rehearsal all clean and dry. i would like to play nokia's 'bounce', but i can't because i don't have a handphone that carries that game.

vernissage

yesterday evening was rainy. met mrs ong at ri. i was proud to tell her that i achieved A for geography. i took zenn's car to syo, and missed you on the way. the rain just didn't help; i really want to talk to you.

today morning was really sunny, perhaps to make up for the rain yesterday. but it was way too hot. i went to the adelphi to hand in my biennale claim forms, then i went to city hall to do some souvenir-shopping. couldn't resist the temptation to go and look at donna ong's works again. and so i went into her plane artwork. strange, when i went in there was some chime playing somewhere. it was the winding music box on the desk, which wasn't supposed to play. i guess it was because the air-conditioning was just turned on, and the metal spool contracted.

walked for so long (in the heat) to get to the art museum. hmph there weren't any badges at the museum. couldn't understand many of the artworks, and i tried reading one of them. it was in chinese. picked up the badge that clara wanted at the smu biennale information centre.

i desperately wanted to see 'tom na h-iu' again, and so i did. anyway, the national museum was nearby. 'tom na h-iu' was weird today. it kept giving out blue and green lights. the last two times i went, it insisted on pale pink lights, and only gave blue and green lights twice. according to the write-up, atmospheric neutrinos are indicated by green lights, solar neutrinos by blue, neutrino bursts (supernova) by multi-colours, and muons by pale pink. apparently, muons are the most rare.

omg, see the trick now? the last two times i went, i kept seeing the pale pink lights and wishing that i saw more of the blue and green lights. and today i saw only the blue and green lights and thought i was lucky to be looking at the rare colours. but, the blue and green ones are more rare =(

go here, if it still works.

yay went to pasir ris to meet the class for class gathering. but then, when i reached (and thought i would reach just on time), the class was still at bishan. so i went to eat first. then i met yihui, who was mugging in the library. oh, then i went for swensen's ice cream. frosted chocolate malt. haha they were having a blackout, so the ice cream was a bit melted. walked around popular with yihui, looking at primary school assessment books!

then the class finally came, and we went to yihui's house. haha i think yihui's neighbourhood looks like wisteria lane! omg the two dogs were so super active. i happened to see one of them pee, and then someone also pointed out that the other was pooping. haha everyone just stood and watched that poor dog poop.

went to pasir ris park, and they played touch rugby. yay i was taking photos, but i think i took some rubbish shots. and i was being bitten by ants. i played mahjong today. omg i had such a lousy hand the first two times. but i gamed the third one yay! haha clara also looks like an auntie when she plays mahjong.

rushed off for the wedding dinner. omg the rain over pasir ris was so heavy, perhaps to make up for the hot sun in the afternoon. the rain was in the city area too, and it caused such a major jam. took a taxi to get to raffles the plaza. the taxi fare was the largest i'd ever seen.

oh the ballroom looked so beautiful. and we got to sit so near the front, because we're close relatives with the groom haha. the dinner was omg madness. there was cold plate, shark's fin, scallop, herbal chicken, abalone, fish, pork ribs, noodles, and yam paste. i was so sad that by the time the yam paste came i was so full, and i couldn't eat lots of it. i like yam paste! and auntie bernice is really so funny, although i don't understand a lot of hokkien.

it's been so tiring today. i had fun everywhere, and i think that's a first. i also recalled that once, a long time ago, i smashed a whole plate of food to the floor because i didn't like the food. that was at the old house, when the floor tiles was the mosaic with a mistake.

i think that 'pasir ris' sounds like 'paris'. oh no, it's french~! that was a nice try, but whose line is it, anyway? according to 'newsweek', kim jong-il is 157.5cm tall. oh hey, weiyang's taller. do you think jia en is?

tour

it's three hours past my oral presentation. i don't think it went very well, but at least it's over. i've even submitted my insights and reflections so everything's really done. i felt release when the oral presentation ended. question and answer was gruelling. hmm stephanie's happy that she doesn't have to work with me anymore.

practised a bit with ruolin today. i just can't get beethoven right. there was a heavy downpour, and i was left stranded in school. i miss you now. hope i can go to the art museum biennale tomorrow. and tomorrow's yihui's house too. and tomorrow's wedding dinner too.

i remembered the first time i used a handphone. it was when my auntie called to ask me to check something on her handphone. i got so frustrated because i couldn't find the button labelled 'menu', although i saw the word on the screen. one day, i'll be smart enough like shanghui to do an 'evil' puzzle on websudoku.com.

with love, from the rjc computer lab again.

mexican

had a bad night. couldn't fall asleep until don't-know-what-time. and then i woke up at 5.35am. so, the sky was still dark. then i closed my eyes and continued trying to fall asleep. started thinking about many (funny) things. i was thinking about many scenes from 'silent hill' to see if i would scare myself. then i thought about binomial expansion, and was trying to recall the small angle approximations. then i was thinking about the character lenina from aldous huxley's 'brave new world'. i was thinking about whether we could consider her as an immoral woman.

i opened my eyes and voila the sky was dimly lit already. then i thought about the sun dying out. it is said that light from the sun takes eight minutes to reach the earth. so, if the sun dies out, we'll still have eight minutes of light to enjoy. then i was thinking, when that happened, whether i would be experiencing day or night. if i were experiencing night, then i wouldn't be able to enjoy the eight minutes of light.

it was ironical that the sky was turning bright, and yet i was feeling sleepier than ever (but not being able to fall asleep). i mean, if you looked at my physical state, you would have thought that the sky was going to turn darker, not brighter.

sigh.

i took the bus from j8 to school. on channel newsasia, there was a report on traditional chinese medicine. according to the report, joy injures the heart, and decreases qi. my oral presentation is in about two hours' time.

with love, from the rjc computer lab.

ain't no meaning

i had a weird dream that involved thunder and lightning, students doing yoga on top of goalposts, a train ride, a magazine, and catching a flight at 0945h. woke up at bleak 11.30am today. there's oral presentation tomorrow!

when you believe.

don't mean nothin'

i had a weird dream which included an attic in my old house (although there isn't one there) that i tried to convert into a study, construction work, lifting up drain covers, and searching for a violin score. woke up at sunny 12pm today.

some people want it all.

怯

i played international chess against aminah's laptop. omg i just don't know how to win it. and yiyan got very close to it. got back the gp essay we did in term 4. grr i did so much better for that one, but it wasn't counted for the final gp grade.

i cracked my first soft-boiled egg at food republic today. played bridge with yiyan, beejuan, siuchu and jia en at wheelock. damn i played one wrong card on my last game. i can imagine shanghui calling me 'dumb' if he were my partner. but hey, i've never played one complete game with him, and probably wouldn't be able to. oh we almost played once at the chamber j2 farewell party. i was playing with jonathan, chenjie and shanghui, but we got stopped halfway.

so, once in a while we punish ourselves for the bad things we have done in the past and near future. i made my banana dessert at home and topped it off with some cake, ben and jerry's ice cream and bailey's.

silver line

one day i'll get a touch-screen computer. and then i'll have to clean the fingerprints every time i use it. there's pw group meeting later. i'm so sleepy today.

riao!

left-right

traicit et fati litora magnus amor: a great love can cross the bounds of fate. but the most painful is to love someone and know that you mustn't love him. search for the black words.

alliteration

attended another wedding today. everything's just so beautiful, and everything just looks like it would last. the caterer for lunch was kriston, which was omg-you-wouldn't-believe-it nice. i suppose it must have cost a lot, and the pastries were damn good. the fruit punch was undiluted, and you could see the fruit fibres in the drink, unlike the ones you get at ri's lunch talks.

i've learnt a thing or two about mediacorp. this year, mediacorp's showing the top 10 lists for popular artistes every week. this is, as i was told, a marketing strategy for singtel as well. you see, by knowing the fact that your favourite artiste has fallen out of the top 10 list, you would dial in more to try to boost the votes. see, useful information for gp.

we're still not talking.

冰冰凉凉

i've lost my fear of automatic sensors. i wasn't scared when i walked out of hmv at citylink mall today. and i was walking alone again. i've also lost my fear of crowds.

was guiding at tanglin camp with benjamin and chay yeow. felt quite useless because i didn't know what to say. but i came in most useful when i climbed into the aquarium from the bottom to scare the people. but i learnt many things from benjamin today.

tanglin at night is eerie. oh but they lit up torches on the dark path towards the camp. so cool!

i looked up into the sky and counted only five stars. i saw more lightning than stars, though. if i could, i would stand there all night to count all the stars. it's just that my neck hurts from looking up all the time.

had chippy's for dinner. it was scary the way the paper package never soaked up any oil from the fish and chips. die already. but it was quite cheap for a whole load of fish. i should try the fried mars bar next time.

i didn't like the moon today. it's glare was just irritating. i heard mice from some bushes near the war memorial park. i also ran for a bus to go home.

the minotaur left the labyrinth! and i'm leaving syo after this concert.

90(18,49)

i walked out of my house this morning and there was this really rich and dense smell of sesame, and it was really fragrant. met yiyan for breakfast at mcdonald's at j8. omg in a haste i chose a table that was right beside the bishan paedophile's. haha kinwai and hadi joined us. hmm the bishan paedophile is this unemployed man who has nothing better to do than to sit around all the fast-food restaurants in j8 looking at young boys all day. lazy yiyan had two knives and didn't want to go and get a fork, so he ate the hotcakes with two knives. i'm sure jia en would have found that amusing. oops.

pw group meeting early in the morning. i saw shanghui walk past my classroom. sonya brought fudge, which lured me up to level 6, where her group was practising. oh today's soya bean milk was super nice. our presentation today was ok, but i can't stop smiling. i got a chance to enter the staff room today. dinner was at food republic with aminah, siuchu, beejuan and the couple. i had the prata! and the honeydew sago at wisma's food republic is so much more voluminous compared to the one at vivocity's food republic.

was going to be late for syo. i took a taxi, and had to bloody pay a $2 surcharge. wow getting round singapore isn't so cheap anymore. or maybe the value of the singapore dollar has dropped ha. consider it my punishment then, i had to pay $7.90 in total to the driver.

i've been distracted today. i took out my violin instead of my viola at syo. and then i missed one bus when i was going home because i was staring into space for a while. you see, it was because zhaohan asked me why i left chamber. i realised that i couldn't give a satisfactory answer which could convince myself too. but i think i'm happy that i made that choice.

the problem doesn't lie with anyone. it lies with myself. because i always walk back myself. i just don't fit in this world. maybe i don't even fit in my world. i engaged in a late-night binge. it was hazelnut praline cheesecake from coffee bean.

you know something? shanghui is my friend, but sometimes i wish i was his friend. i'm going to start hating the world before the world starts hating me. and suddenly you're standing there watching the person who looks exactly like you turn into a raving monster.

last year, i was making some blind memories. i was walking around some parts of the school building at ri and writing the number of steps to get around the place. i think those are no longer handy, now that much of the school has been demolished/renovated. but hey, i've written down the physical size of the school buildings as they were in 2005.

in the chamber rehearsals leading up to open house i was feeling really sad. yes, i do have feelings, unlike some other people. by then, i had already made my decision and submitted the letter to mrs yeo. so, open house was really my last day. and i decided to clean the chamber room for the first and last time.

i've tipped the balance and everything's falling off too fast. i'm just about to submit a letter to mrs wong. and, the male version of the 'bitch' is the 'dog'.

4918

in the early morning a lady stopped me to ask for donations. i gave $2, so i've done my good deed for the day. i'm not so evil after all, not as bad as you make me out to be. collected our results slip today. haha this time there wasn't the 'percentile' column anymore.

chemistry spa A! it wasn't very difficult. james avoids me without discretion, but that's ok. there was class lunch at swensen's. omg clara kept taking my food. for all the food that she keeps taking from me (including the milo in the school canteen), i think she should really buy us more pods! guess what? the bill at swensen's today was $143 yay! i suppose stephanie enjoyed herself a lot.

i don't like physics spa A. there was heavy rain today. on any normal wednesday, i would be at chamber rehearsal, but not today. not last week, nor last last week, nor in the future. you see, i think it's time i told the chamber people that i'd left chamber. instead, i was playing bridge with clara, weiyang and yiyan in the canteen today. it was really funny, the way weiyang kept trying to randomly screw someone. he even called '7 clubs' as the partner. (clara took some of my milo again.) we played till near 6pm! it was real fun.

but i did use to look forward to wednesdays and thursdays. more so on the thursdays this year. beejuan doesn't balance well on trains, and she took my bunny badge today.

i shall prevaricate now. you are the ultimate insensitive asshole whom i don't want to try to get to know anymore.

i'm going to develop the uncanny ability to speak uncomfortable truths, like luna lovegood, and then one day i'll tell you to stop bullying me. i miss you.