a quart of fish and three of duck

oh i hope my geography teachers aren't going to be changed next term! =( omg physics lecture test. ahhh! that was such a nightmare ok? who in the world set that physics paper?! i think forty minutes really isn't enough for thirty-five marks! ahh so sad... my last three questions are blank. that will really be the first paper i ever take that failed like crazay.

realised how much i keep staring at you during chemistry lecture. sorry.

pe was a killer. first thing was pull-ups! yea i did one >.< and then there was like shuttle run and push-ups and sit-ups and broad jumps and push-ups and sit-ups. omg i almost died. and then manda panda still dragged me to the gym hai. but anyway i did what she told me to do ok? and i did many many. haha three sets only lah. tamie is so scary! and omg my body is falling apart.

sat in the library with siuchu and... gossiped. haha!

and then first thing when you reach home after a long and tiring day is to beauty-bathe! yay exfotonic haha.

~
when love came and told me, i shouldn't sleep

oh tell me all about it

i recall once when i was at rainforest cafe on my birthday. i think it's no longer there anymore. that's so sad!! i remember the place was very colourful and big. and every thirty minutes there would be a blackout, then flashes of light and loud thunder - to simulate a tropical storm. and then i got a free ice cream because it was my birthday. that was really long ago!!!

today i walked to school in my new spectacles. yay i like it a lot. i like you a lot too. the hangman noose is still in the biology classroom.

shoulder

i like you, but i know you like someone else. so please don't send me wrong messages by playing with me the way you do. because you're giving me false hope. and i don't want to be hurt when you reject me.

my new spectacles are here.

went to ben and jerry's with jia en and beejuan. omg i had the mix 'n' match one. so fattening! then we went to jia en's house to do homework. and after homework we watched 'the ring', japanese version some more. haha jia en completely missed the point when she stopped looking at the tv when sadako climbed out! ahh so wasted.

bothered

joel ong, where are you?

pipe

today's syo rehearsal was so emotionally exhausting. argh don't understand it. just hate it when people are in conflict.

my grandmother cooked three eggs today. all of them had two yolks each. she must have found some gold man...

scandalous

thursday:

i can't remember much about thursday now. just that when i was at the bus stop at newton, i missed you a lot. a dementor visits me every night before i sleep. and i lean on/cry on/talk to my imaginary friend joel when that happens. that night in italy, i saw you.

oh we had physics practical, where we tested our land yachts. i'm so disappointed with ice cream express. that was the land yatch that my team made. it's called 'ice cream' because the sail is cone-shaped. jia en and i decorated it so nicely some more. it's called 'ice cream' also because of a person. and ice cream express is exactly like you. so perfect during trial period, but such a letdown at the actual competition.

friday:

lugged so many things to school. because there was going to be the dreaded chamber camp.

friday started with pe. argh i really dislike being the captain of some touch rugby game. and soup wasn't there. maybe that's why i didn't sweat as much as i should have, especially when it was a lesson where we ran and ran and ran.

was at the canteen during the break. saw her flirting and flirting with you. that bitch.

and then it was chemistry practical. i was so pissed with a stupid leaky burette that refused to stop leaking. but ha i was a fast worker and i quickly switched to another burette, and in the end i had three very convincingly consistent results. ha! mr gwee said i'm some expert leh. haha.

biology at 4pm really sucks. but never mind, the classroom had a hangman noose you know? it's so freaky! i was in the classroom early. and alone because there wasn't anyone there yet. was pondering over many things. sad is when there's no one to hold your hand. lonely is when you are the only one in your world. in the end i still love you, and i wish you never played with me. but things never turn out the way we want them to.

you sat very far away from me during the lesson. and you said i didn't pay attention class because i couldn't find the definition of 'non-essential amino acids' in the notes. but perhaps you are part of the reason i don't pay attention. ms hor passed me the notes on enzymes, and i was so excited at the prospect of talking to you when i could pass you the extra notes. but at the end of the lesson you walked away just as i walked over. i was so disappointed.

went for chamber camp. we played some ice breaker games. ha i didn't have to do any forfeit. and then it was sectionals. yay violas were in the bigbig LT1. and we had some ambience lighting too ok. and then it was dinner. omg i think shanghui was on some emtional rebound. he ate so fast and so much. and he was acting so violently. told him about the hangman noose and he said he wouldn't mind trying it =S and he was showing off his arm power by wrestling with and winning me in like three seconds.

we watched 'life is beautiful'. it was so funny and comedy-like, but then it turned out to be about the jewish-nazi thing. and it was so touching. aiyo everyone else was so unfeeling, no one cried lor. hai i cried. so sad that the father died trying protect the little child. and the innocent naive child just believes that he's playing a game.

after the movie we went back to the canteen for supper. omg it was sinful oily prata. and there were so many of them (70!) that when we couldn't finish them, we gave them to people who were leaving the school after watching dramafeste. and then i tried to make malisa and wendy play the finger game. but in the end jinyong played with me for twenty seconds. haha jinyong was made busy by having to entertain me.

saturday:

(continued without any time lapse from friday) we played cards back at the mep room. played bridge. and then jinyong played speed with me. omg i was so slow. it was like 12 midnight!

ok so we went to bathe. hai i was so reluctant ok. seeing as jinyong is so perverse haha! but the school was so dark i didn't dare to go alone. and he was so mean... kept trying to scare me. like: can you see people playing tennis there? ahh! and in the bathrooms he was about to take off (almost) everything until i told him to use the cubicle. i just don't understand why some people don't use the cubicles argh! and in the end he still came out of the shower without pants >.<

back in the mep room, we were sitting around a circle playing 'fuzzy wuzzy', 'how many mah mah jumped over the wall', 'bang bang bang who died' and many many brainless games haha. but it was like 1am kind of thing. so it didn't really work well.

then we broke up into smaller groups. some people were playing 'electric current'. apparently malisa and jinyong won it. hmm are they together? was trying to find out from the other j2s. june said they were just trying to make scandals out of themselves. haha but i think the act is just a smokescreen for the real thing. haha!

i was playing hearts till very late because kelly was so addicted to it. haha kelly is really some bomb lah. even shanghui thinks she's very crazay haha! but anyway we played like round after round until almost everyone was asleep. and then zhu hui shot the moon, which made kelly very pissed ha! and then we went to sleep.

and that was the really freaky thing. i slept in the practice room, where there were other people. you see, i started off sleeping in the space between pius and victor, but apparently when i woke up at 730am, i was beside jinyong, who was quite far away and perpendicular to pius and victor! argh and my brain couldn't recall any form of waking up and walking around. as i see it, maybe it was the air-conditioner. i was directly under it at first. maybe i really did wake up in the middle of my sleep and walk over to the side.

oh breakfast was wonderful. malisa was so nice, she and a few other j2s were making bread and spread for everyone. haha and then later jinyong made for her leh. with tender, loving care haha. on the way back to mep room, in the lift, jinyong was back to his perverse state of mind argh! shan't discuss.

last activity was the treasure hunt, which i didn't play till the end because i was leaving earlier.

anyway i think the camp wasn't so dreadful after all. in fact it was quite fun, especially playing hearts with kelly around.

sunday best

i was on the same train as you.


like a mannequin.

dingdong

i've had a lifetime
with hopes and dreams
i thought i'd seek your love
but it's never what it seems
the love that i've been looking
for all these years
and now i've finally found you
and i'll never let you go
every prayer i've ever prayed
has been answered in a hurry
my spirit goes to sleep
every time we meet
and now my only feeling
is that it's too good to be true
every dream that i've ever dreamed
is coming through
in you

nadir

i remember my ex-classmate used to say 'extra! extra! read all about it!' and i've always found it amusing.

qingyuan and tiffany left for another subject combination =( and we've got a new classmate now. he's name is boyle. and, today i was quite mood swung. i wanted to walk down the lecture theatre during chemistry lecture and just slap your face. throw in a hug or kiss, then run out.

habahaba

great, mummy tells me that shooting stars are 扫把星s after i told her about my shooting star dream. was coming out of my life this early morning and there was a toddler staring at me. the way they stare, it's really quite scary. is there some sixth sense in children? was she trying to tell me something?

grownups who have forgotten how to listen.

today we had our first project work class. we had to discuss our greatest fear. i said that mine was the fear of the autosensors at those shops. but actually, my greatest fear is james. really. gp lesson was really shitty. we had to do this bloody long comprehension that was so super difficult. and the topic was super depressing.

biology lesson was so shitty too. wanted to give you chocolate also cannot. so sad lah. can't even talk to you. can't even look you in the eye anymore. but i love you so much. so much, so much, it hurts. is love supposed to hurt so that it'll feel good?

don't force yourself to leave him. don't listen to people who call you 'stupid'. just ask yourself: are you happy?

it sucks, but goodbye.

streamline

saw shaggy in the library. borrowed daphnis and chloe!

today has been a spending spree. i spent so much on the chemistry, physics, and biology textbooks. and i also spent a lot on a new pair of spectacles. but it won't be my money at the end of the day. however, imma gonna have to start a project: save money. and project: starve myself will be on from tomorrow onwards to help realise project: save money. save on dinner, just have yoghurt. it saves you money, and saves you fats!

take a walk around singapore. listen to the singapore sounds. define the singapore life.

alter ego

i dreamt of seeing the aurora last night (in singapore). since singapore is north of the equator, i must have been looking at the aurora borealis. and suddenly shooting stars burst into the sky like fireworks, raining down to the edge of the horizon. omg it was so beautiful. i can't really remember if you were beside me in the dream. it's like the 'prelude de la nuit' in ravel's 'rapsodie espagnole'.

you clever pok.

shanghui, who is so pro in violin,
shanghui, who is so sporty,
shanghui, who can do conics,
shanghui, who can do physics tutorial 3 question 4 onwards,
shanghui, who can complete the square without intermediate steps,
you make me feel dumbdumb.

learnt a new word from tiffany: zenith

example:
the sun was at its zenith when it destroyed whatever was left of my bad hair day.

exasperating

argh i really detest pe lessons. the teacher made me the captain for touch rugby!! =( so pissing i don't like it at all. and then i was supposed to choose team members so the whole class was like 'call stuart! call stuart!' hate everyone.

jia en was trying to make me cut my hair.

chemistry practical was so tiring. bloody hell my titration was so shitty. james made me feel very stupid during physics lesson. i mean, i was just asking a question, right? well, james is so good at physics, but doesn't want to teach me, so when i ask a question during lesson, he comments that it's a stupid question. so what does he want me to do?!

we watched a video for general paper today. it was on the mass media america and the kind of culture it was producing. and the video was so sick!

feria

remember that i used to be a school bully to hsien tze and desmond. sorry!! i think i always pinched them. and i was very mean in class, to the point that shuwen said i was bossy. maybe the bad karma decided to catch up with me.

saint

one day everything will come to a sticky end.

don't glance across and never turn back. could you at least give me an 'urgh, it's ivan' look before you turn away? your indifference, your complete no-care, it's hurting me.

heck

so tired today.

there's syo later.

topless five

fancy a nicoise salad? don't know what that is. it's so sad that mr lee and ms law will not be teaching us geography anymore!! today we queued at the finance department for a freaking long time, and i didn't even bring all the neccesary things. chamber rehearsal today was super boring! argh!

i walked into a toilet at such a wrong time.

where is the love?

project: valentine was quite successful. gave out many presents, and also got back quite a few. and amanda's chocolate omg it looks so sinful. imagine eating it. some presents were really sweet. and weiyang's flower is really the winner. the lecture theatres and canteen all had heart shaped balloons on the ceilings. i wanted a balloon too. maybe a cauliflower will suffice.

feels weird to see couples everywhere i go. on the road, at shopping centres, on the train.

i'll be happy if you just smile at me. smile at me because you want to smile at me.

unintelligible

sorry, i can't spend valentines' day with you, but i'm sure the love is there, right?

isaac leo

two seats away

two seats away, two seats away. just two seats away. but always miles, miles away. valentines' day is coming soon. so far away. went ice cream-ing with jia en and beejuan. omg so fat now.

project: valentine is on! presents presents presents.

if only it was that easy to go up to you and just say it.

you got your dumb friends

today i went karaoke with siuchu and jia en and beejuan and others. and it was quite a mad fun!

autodidact

i remember that i used to qualify to use the children's menu at restuarants. but now i can't.

i remember the time when i was too young to understand the pain of separation. i was at my great grandfather's cremation. and i remember being so amazed i said 'wah' when i saw the tongues of flame that leapt out when the fire chamber was opened. when i looked up at my grandmother she was tearing.

but now i do.

precious

omg i just remembered something and i must write it down. i remember last year i was playing table soccer with hungwen and azrin and many many people. like one person to one handle. and it was so fun, and funny, that i laughed and laughed.

sorry, but it really means a lot to me. i don't want to forget it.

sludge

omg today's recording was so long! and it's so pissing, because i got knocked by a microphone stand when it fell. i think i became slightly more stupid. and it's only when the recording begins that you start to feel sleepy. argh! and it was so boring that shanghui and glen were doing sudoko! then there was lunch break which was super long because the food took super long to come. haiyo. and then it was back to more recording. but finally we finished it at around 430pm. thats mean we worked almost like a 9-5 workday. now i know what goes into eight minutes' worth of a cd recording. so we must not burn those seventy-minute-long cds anymore! support intellectual property! no more piracy!

chewing my fingernails.

冰淇凌

je t'aime
sarang haeyo
ik houd van u
ich liebe dich
σας αγαπώ
ti amo
私は愛する
eu te amo
я люблю вас
te quiero
我爱你
i love you

pouffe

today was a mad day! it started off with og meeting. although turnout wasn't very big, we had so much fun! preetha whacked a balloon right into my face... and we celebrated bensen's overdue birthday with a sinful (omg-really-sinful) breadtalk chocolate cake. played uno stacko. played bluff. and then later i was at the library with steward, shenglin and christopher. and omg that was the first time i read newspapers this year!

rainy day. went back to ri to get higher chinese 'O' levels results. talked to soup, but soup didn't reply. never mind. i got A2! so relieved! omg the hod was so sarcastic because the results were generally very bad. happy, but couldn't celebrate. met up with ms grace and ms huang.

oh dear, gonna lose a classmate.

let someone start believing in you. let him hold out his hand. let him touch you and watch. what. happens.

2481/0092

subject: higher chinese
grade numerical: two
grade alphabetical: a
language medium: chinese
examining authority: singapore

mood: relieved

blaze

joel my imaginary friend where are you? i thought i saw you on a bus today, but turned out it wasn't you. instead, i saw a rainbow. i sat down at the stadium steps and looked at the rainbow. there was also a reflection rainbow, and it was so perfect. i walked on, and when i turned back, before me was the entire arc of the rainbow, contrasted by the grey backdrop of the dark clouds.

you're becoming a mere figment of my imagination, as though you've never really existed.

transient.

cell

today's a much better day. so glad that geography and chemistry projects are out of the way. but there's still physics!

saw a nice pair of shoes. love is such a hit-or-miss thing.

other half

this is inspired by jia en.

typical

strange, i saw a cat acting weirdly again. it was running up a road, then it turned to the stairs at the side of the road and walked up. why didn't it climb up the grass slope. that's so strange because i think one would have expected the cat to climb the slope. do cats know how to use stairs as well? or did it just happen to turn and walk up the stairs?

gypsy

today we learnt italian for civics class. say 'buon giorno', 'grazie' and 'arrivederci'. geography lessons so fun. we watched snippets of 'the core'. we played asshole daidi during recess, and beejuan was the mamasan for three rounds! but she became king for two rounds. i was asshole first, then i broke out of the poverty cycle yay! i ended with mamasan on round 5. omg qingyuan so lucky keep winning. debate during gp lesson was so crappy. omg! and pe was this funny thing called medicine ball?! it's so heavy! aiyo almost died throwing the balls.

watching bernadette peters sing now. celebrate stephen sondheim!

company

Being Alive

by Stephen Sondheim

Somebody hold me too close

Somebody hurt me too deep

Somebody sit in my chair

And ruin my sleep

And make me aware

Of being alive

Somebody need me too much

Somebody know me too well

Somebody pull me up short

And put me through hell

And give me support

For being alive

Being alive

Make me alive

Make me confused

Mock me with praise

Let me be used

Vary my days

But alone is alone

Not alive

Somebody hold me to close

Somebody force me too care

Somebody make me come through

I'll always be there

As frightened as you

To help us survive

Being alive

Being alive

BEING ALIVE

gem

i'm glad you know isaac is straight.

james miao

maybe just afraid

there was no assembly today. maybe it was the overcast sky. an omen? perhaps. today's student development was the last day of the 'no apologies' course. omg the facilitator described his wedding day and it was oh-so-romantic. fantasies of a happy ending are not that unrealistic after all. gp lesson was bad. i don't know, maybe james really doesn't like me. i can't help but admit that the things he said are so true. but they're just so hurtful. yes, he's done it again. said everything that i've been trying to run away from.

i'm glad that i've got a group of classmates who can understand and accept me.

emotionally tired.

bedazzled

come on, cactus is our friend.

handsome vs charming vs attractive

rushing rushing rushing. workload piling up again. tutorials done, but not projects! and weiyang bloody hell lied again and again =( still can't do physics. rainy day. soaked sandals. fatty food. cough. phlegm. die die die. watching 'i not stupid' now.

sobs.

mall

last night i dreamt of someone talking to me. but i didn't reply. just ran away. today's pe was bad. like really really bad. i think i've finished burning the two cups of 40 cents ice lemon tea i had yesterday. i knocked into someone during the 2.4 trial. omg so shocked i ran off. chemistry practical was so fun, but not enough time =( and physics tutorial was ok. not boring, but not very engaging. drifted to thoughts of biology lesson.

ice cream came into biology room when i was alone. oh no esther dropped biology =(

-lysis

feel like a rice bucket today. had rice for breakfast, and more rice during lunch break. oh dear ALL the carbos! and many many chocolates today. boot camp pe again argh! when i reached home today, my door felt exceptionally heavy =(

i dreamt of ice cream walking further and further away from me. and woke up crying. quality time.

black humour. haha.

this is the 300th entry on glass-shoe.

ma'am, is this counted?

there's so much work to do now. geography project. chemistry project. tutorials upon tutorials. so stressed. today's chamber rehearsal was 5 to 8! shaggy i'm so tired!!

biology lesson was difficult. you sat in front of me today.

long, dreamy stares.