鐘意 timbres

last night i was sad, and this morning i forgot my wallet and didn't realise until i was three minutes away from home. i must have looked really dumb carrying a red pail around, but i was going to spring clean my classroom. walls, tables, chairs, windows, fans, and white board.

geography test, as promised, was so difficult! and then there was house meeting in the afternoon. oh yes i was sitting with my sec1/2 class and it was fun. it helped me remember some things that i've lost already.

i was at the music room after house meeting, just playing on the piano. and then i realised that you're really friendly with everyone but me. i hope you like amelie as much as i do.

art club today was fun. we've finally started on the painting of the mural! gordon bullied me into doing the masking tapes again =( in the hot sun some more. oh yay i got to paint some of the things, and the black paint really stinks. the painting is really exciting! i'm so glad that i'm part of this.

but mr chia cannot remember my name. and then once in a while you wonder why you're in a cca where the teacher doesn't remember your name no matter how hard you try to make him remember.

if i told you, would you believe me that there exists someone in this world who is so awfully sweet that he can make you feel so guilty of being just like every other normal person? well yes, there exists such a someone. he paints using his own palm as the palette. you'd be so amused by his sweetness that you'd think he's just like the cutest guy you've never met. all your sadness melts away when he's around you. omg, would you believe that there can be someone like that in this world still?

this day ended happy. nope, not going to let you destroy it anymore.

idiosyncrasy

oh ms law was sick, so we had a whole free period during geography. pe was back to mr seah, but only for today. i wish it was like that forever. don't really like the other pe teachers. the other class we played floorball with was so violent.

i missed you today. you probably didn't know, but there was once i was walking behind you, and once i was walking ahead of you. but the distance is always infinitely equal.

walked to the mrt with suhui today. h3 is getting harder and i think i might have to drop it soon. just to make my 'A' levels certificate look nicer.

joel's online, but he's not talking to me again.

perks

last night i dreamt of being back in hong kong. i also dreamt of an animal whose arrival was announced by a cat. fed it with peanut butter. hmm, i predict peanut butter cookies in my near future.

the weather's turned chilly again. i don't want to do the new gp assignment.

the class celebrated yihui's birthday today. and mr tham brought some really nice chocolates. there wasn't much space left on the birthday card, so i just drew a smiley face. otherwise, today's been an uneventful day.

i figured that soon i would be cleaning the classroom. make the tables clean and smooth. make the walls white. till everything gleams perfect.

lunch was at kfc. the bishan paedophile was there too, and he kept looking at weiyang. i went back to school for mural. oh the street dancer has been drawn already. we did the paintbrushes today.

i went to chamber room to look at rise. and then i saw mr sze doing sectionals upstairs. haha he's still the same. as i walked away from the block i could hear the violins playing in unison, and they sounded so perfect. every accacciatura was precise, and i could hear the uniform articulation, even though i was quite far away.

one day, i'll be able to sit, play and talk with you.

today, i would like to sit in the wind and cry silently. but i would also like my imaginary friend to be by my side. oh don't judge me, i'm very sane.

ransom

imagine receiving a ransom note, and some fingers in an envelope. like i said on 5th october 2006, you don't know the kind of power you have over me.

明明是绝配

i had a real exciting dream that involved me stabbing some political figure. it was like the old egyptian competitions where two people fought with long spears. i broke his spear and stabbed him once in the stomach. then i stabbed him at his heart and went quite deep, but he didn't die.

my left eye keeps twitching, and that means something bad is going to happen.

this week has passed too quickly as well. i don't like. i don't have any remarkable achievements for january yet. oh wait, maybe i do. i've finally saved 1000000NP in my neopets account after playing for six years.

besides, shanghui once said that syo should fire people like me.

journey

joel was online, and his status was not 'away', but he wouldn't talk to me. i guess, on retrospect, i must have been stupid.

i opened my viola case today, and there was mould everywhere. even on my viola. it's bad, now i need to know how to finally clean my instrument. i feel like eating ben and jerry's now.

it's just drizzling

mr tham speaks:
once to the left,
twice to the right.
place it on the table,
and begin to write.

there's no more mr seah for pe on fridays. this term's module is soccer and i'm going to cry. tell clara i need soccer clinics. i was biting my hand during pe and i left a mark. watching the class play was like watching the rise people play when i was still in rise. that was like so long ago. but as always i've never played. i've only watched them play. all the pros like jonathan, adriel, ivan and shanghui.

i've been busy at the mural today. the sun was too bright and the transparency projection was so poor it became very difficult to sketch the drawings. then gordon came and started bullying me =( he made me stretch up and down to put on the masking tapes for the markings. and so bossy too! must let the welfare head tamie know. ha beejuan has videos of him trying to remove masking tape from the ceiling. sigh, egotistic men.

yes, the mural is getting fun.

it's been a rainy day today. fridays are nice. i want a sundae on a friday. there was a briefing for operation homeworks today, and it seems that we're up for some really difficult work.

pitcher perfect

you're tired today.

physics practical was fun, even though undesirable things happened still. i managed to do my experiment very quickly and complete the work. then there was a competition involving some electric circuits setup. yes, lessons should always be that fun.

an interesting incident happened today. after physics practical, we were walking back to our classroom, and then suddenly four of us broke into a run. don't tell you why. it's a survival plan to getting good grades.

and then you were sleeping during lecture. it rained during h3 maths lecture.

i was sitting under block B, and the wind was blowing into my face. it felt quite soothing though. sometimes i wonder if people are angry because they have to sit opposite me.

and then sometimes you're only watching from afar. it seems, at that distance, that's all you can do. but even when the physical distance is minimised, it's still the same. you're only just able to watch from afar. children who have grown up can no longer use their telepathy.

clara's friend asked if i gave any percent of my heart to clara. i get 0.001% (or even less) of hers, but no, she doesn't get any of mine!

expecting

registration for ns begins today.

i was early at maths lecture and i saw suhui's class. and then i was early for geography lesson. we finished hydrology 2 already, and ms law showed us some desert videos. so nice! wednesdays end early, but there was an assembly talk today. omg then i had a stitch that lasted throughout the assembly period, and then it didn't go away still until like one hour later.

i was sitting in the music room for the free air-conditioner and the chamber people were bustling around me. at least i can still talk to some of them. then i walked to the chamber room, but i didn't go in. don't know why i didn't dare.

so, i've been wasted this wednesday. what rubbish is this? it doesn't matter to anyone at all. i was sitting in the canteen listening to people sing. and then i met mr seah at the noticeboards. but he's not teaching my class anymore on fridays =(

i slept when i got home, and when i woke up it was already night time. it felt as though it was the next day.

yes, i've gotten the rest i need. nope, no art today.

killare; massacare

i hope i die soon, so that i don't have to see you anymore. i've been talking to myself or my imaginary friend recently.

we got a quick break after geography lesson because ms law was nice. gp lesson was funny today. pe was crazy. it was floorball, and i could feel myself not being able to take the activity, because my breathing was becoming so difficult it felt like i was dying. went to the mural after pe to see what was being done, and yes the measurements were almost right!

there was a light rain to wash away everything. ok, so rjc's weather forecasting is not bad. it's just that the sky in the morning was not overcast, but i'm not complaining since there wasn't assembly. part of my day was spent at the mural area, watching as people walked out of school.

because every tree is a forest, but a forest may not be a tree. why give up an entire forest for a tree? i went back to the mural after h3 maths because i didn't want to go home. mr chia had already started to draw out the pictures in chalk. oh yes it's exciting. i bet you it's more exciting than the chamber concert. i did a bit of drawing, and then elspeth was designing the blank wall for publicity. it was funny how we trapped the ants on the wall in circles of chalk.

yes, it can happen so quickly. life as we know it can change in a blink of an eye. unlikely friendships can blossom. important careers can be tossed aside. a long-lost hope can be rekindled. still, we should be grateful for whatever changes life throws at us, because all too soon the day will come when there are no changes left.

sluts.

drift

there was once when i was doing a geography paper on china, and when i wanted to type 'shanghai', i kept typing 'shanghui'. today, i wrote the wrong one on my geography worksheet again.

i woke up with an ear block that refused to clear the entire day. so, my right ear was impermeable to any sound. i could hear my voice inside myself whenever i talked, which made me hesitant about my volume. it was stressing me out and pissing me off. luckily, no communication was required during gp lesson.

i'm going to need a longer post today.

had to stay back to do the mural project. omg the blocked ear was seriously pissing me off. half the time i didn't know what was going on, and suddenly there were too many square grids on the wall. and we all moved to the canteen to do some damage control, which i didn't understand. after spending a long time doing don't-know-what, we finally settled it the old-fashioned way: mathematical ratios. see, it's still important to take maths even if you are an arts student. and we were playing with elspeth's graphic calculator.

art club is just as fun as chamber.

walked back to the mrt with boonping. when i got home i just had to clear my blocked ear. and i did it. the old-fashioned way. but i've got paint on my sleeve. it's red, because we were painting cardboard paintbrushes. i found out that mr gwee lives near tiong bahru too when i bumped into him on my way home.

there, a longer post today.

jinx, you owe me

went to watch a friendly match between rjc volleyball and don't-know-who under somebody's someone's request. balls were flying towards me. dinner was at new york new york, and i had some burger which had a super thick beef patty. there was free candy floss. and then i went to godiva for the $8 chocolixir. i spent alot on food and ate a lot today.

seibu's friend lost a slipper today.

for ever

last night i was watching 'spirited away' on tv. was it two years ago or three? it was also on tv and that was the first time i watched it. and it was until very late at night too.

today, my ear blocked up and i think i'm going deaf. also, i slipped in my bathroom. and, my left shoulder hurts from trying to do the second pull-up yesterday.

omg i got a bag of broken neopoints worth 2000NP from the underwater fishing.

for good measure

tgif. mr seah won't teach my class for pe anymore =( we had trial tests for napfa today and i didn't do well for anything except sit-and-reach. it's been a really short day. i was in the art room today, and i've finally discovered that the clicking sound i hear in the geography room comes from the seiko clock.

i've also realised that until now i can still remember your number offhand. maybe it's because sometimes i pick up the phone and want to call you. i'm still absent-mindedly reminding myself to practise violin and viola in my notebook even though i got no use for my viola anymore.

for clarity

it's been a bad day, even though there was no gp lesson. sonya says i've been emotionally taxed. it's just james. i don't know what i can do/not do anymore. i've tried enough. i had to go to the toilet, but i shan't cry today. ate a lot during recess.

it was raining after h3 maths. the sissy rain over bishan was undecisive. my pants picked up a lot of dust from the road. i had trouble folding my umbrella on the train. just kept getting it wrongly aligned. and then the rain over tiong bahru was heavy. joel's online, but our timings can't match. he's forever fourteen hours behind me. oh, there's no syo tonight.

so, the day ended with rain.

sisterhood

i tried to lock my door with the gate key. and i forgot that zenn was already in j1. it's called 'distraction'. and then i saw you with your class in the lecture theatre after yet another disgusting gp lesson. it made my day, until you left without saying 'hi'.

went to the music room, where the second violins were having sectionals. there was art club today, and we played pictionary. oh yes i guessed the bonus word. it was 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'. after that, mr chia taught us some basics on sketching, and we were sent off to draw each other. i drew the side profile of tamie and it turned out looking quite like an angry woman, while elspeth drew the extremely challenging back of tamie's hair! and constance drew the front view of tamie, and it turned out a bit too sweet. even mr chia agreed!

i have alcohol at home that packs more punch than what liquer candies give.

puff graph - 最後一課

something's wrong. i haven't cried in a long time. but something triggered it last night. then i was crying forever and talking to my imaginary friend. i don't know, maybe it's because i wanted to be back in chamber playing suk. but i can't. it was just a moment of weakness, and it had to go away the next day.

this morning i had trouble tying my shoelaces. and i kept dying at 'puzzle'. siuchu said my eyes were puffy. but i was tired. and then there was an attire check for which my fringe failed, but i really don't see why. i got my haircut over the weekend just so it adhered to the guidelines given by the school.

mr tham said that he warned us the week before, and if we did something about our hair then we wouldn't have failed. and then i just got so angry. i don't know, but i started shouting at him. and as james commented, i started crying. i really hate the way james treats me. i simply don't understand it. i would like to be given some credit for dying here trying so hard to fit , and not to be ill-treated. maybe it was just another moment of weakness.

could something be wrong? because i've never shouted at a teacher the way i did today. i feel so stressed, as though i'm about to break down. everything was fine, and then suddenly i was becoming someone so full of hate.

walked over with a few others to the ri canteen for lunch, but the mixed rice stall went out of food already. yes, everything that happened today was bad. but we met ms low and her cheerfulness was slightly infectious.

i had a tiramisu from crystal jade, and i just need some alcohol now. i feel like baking some cookies, but i'm incapable of loving. and cookies need love, just like all things do. and i don't know what type of cookies to make (for you).

bromide

i hope the wet weather's over. but i still want it to be cold. i was walking past ri, and then i finally noticed that all the blocks had rooftops that were pointed. robert langdon would have explained those as symbols of the blade.

gp lesson today was fun! like really fun! i practised lots of miranda-speaking. yes there should be a new language called 'mirandaspeak'. the notice board in class needs a revamp, and i suggested graph paper.

lunch was at mos burger, which was a ripoff. followed yishi and weiyang for shopping. otherwise, it's an uneventful day. i would rather he annoyed me.

of rain, gloom and wings

i saw a very charming dog. it's some arctic breed or something. it had different-coloured eyes. one was whitish blue, and the other was brown. i was sitting at the bus stop, watching everything before me turn into a blur.

it's been rainy again. but today's rain was special. it was a heavy rain of light raindrops. so light that the most gentle of breezes is enough to offset its downward path. so much so that even if you were under the shelter there's still the possibility that the rain will get you. of course, it means no harm. it just wants to gently wash away your pain.

this is the perfect day for feeling sad. for feeling cold and lonely. for needing someone. for missing someone.

成為

this morning i watched pokemon on kids central. i remember when i got into syto i was sad that i couldn't watch it because i had to leave for syto rehearsals early. then by the time i went up to syo i had already stopped watching pokemon. so it's sort of comical how i'm watching it again now, on a saturday morning.

because everyone's at syo.

i swept the floor today. and the weather's so cold i slept without the fan last night. i like this. it feels like hong kong. as long as it doesn't feel like singapore. i would like to be back at prince edward, going downstairs to buy egg tarts from jimmy cake shop. and their buns that are smothered with mayonnaise. i would like to walk down nathan road again to go to the bank centre mall everyday.

and i remember there was one night i walked back to the hotel from mongkok. without a jacket. in sandals. in the cold. and alone. where there's a walk, there must be a path.

opposites attract, as mrs kua taught us once in chemistry. and the standard analogy - a boy and a girl. she said that if it were two boys, then something must be very wrong.

ctrl+z

it's like winter. the weather's turned so suddenly cold and icy. the snow queen's unhappy! i don't understand why this week passed by so quickly. i don't have a significant achievement this week.

and then you thank God it's friday. but there's no weekend when you have so much work to do. but hey, the rain drowns out the noise around you. i've read in a book that the silent treatment doesn't work. don't give a man the silent treatment and then feel upset because he hasn't noticed you're not speaking to him. men love silence.

when you walk past each other along the passageway and there isn't a 'hi', it makes you fall apart and become part of the rain.

hand me downs; hands-down. who the hell leaves syo for 'A' levels?

pay it forward

it's been another gloomy day. the rain in the afternoon was so heavy, and it just kept getting heavier after h3 maths. you looked tired today. everyone did. today was the day that i returned mrs wong the syo jacket.

took a taxi with shufang and joy to get to ccab. not being sadistic, but i like to see the water on the ground fly up whenever the taxi drove through a big puddle. i helped to arrange some chairs and stands for syo. then i returned mrs wong the jacket and left.

the umbrella shielded me from the rest of the world as i walked out of ccab for the last time. i walked right into a puddle near newton mrt. and then there was one stretch of pavement where the water was ankle-deep. it washed my shoes clean, but my feet were soaked with water.

squish.

everything seems to go wrong on a rainy day. the train doors refused to open at raffles place, and so i missed one train. there was also an ant biting me in my socks. and then you just feel like crying, but there isn't anyone around you to hug you and tell you that everything would be ok. and then you talk to your imaginary friend.

spin your umbrella in the rain. she's just trying to leave class early.

protect

i missed you last night.

when you can't do anything, you can only watch. i was sitting amongst some of the j1s today. they were all eagerly practising for their chamber auditions. they really shouldn't have had to try so hard.

cca fest was boring. there was nothing i could do for art club, so i went to the lecture theatre to watch the performances. by the jazz club performance, the audience was real big, but the moment they ended and chamber was going up, more than half of the people left.

i've gotten back eason chan's signature from ruolin! his message was for me to 'enjoy life'. i think art people are weird. went to secret recipe for cakes with beejuan and siuchu. i chose one that looked nice, but didn't taste so fantastic like i expected it to.

sometimes, we are all so utterly convinced we are right. and when someone doubts us, we find all sorts of better reasons to convince ourselves again. but that's how facts are created, isn't it? i talk to my imaginary friend when necessary. he wouldn't die in an accident; i wouldn't let him die.

so, what's the question now? did i really want to go? or do i really want to go back?

don't BA me now, you SOB/CLB.

if i could, would i tell them what lies ahead? would i warn them of the sorrow and betrayal that lie in store? no. from where i stand now, i see enough of the road to understand how it must be travelled. the trick is to keep moving forward, to let go of the fear and the regret that slow us down and keep us from enjoying that journey that would be over too soon. yes, there will be unexpected things in the road, shocking surprises we didn't see coming. but that's really the point, don't you think?

chaos

sneaked this one during break time!

told you he's funny!

everyone was high!

the encores.

someday i'll be just as happy.

nata nikoko

it's been a gloomy day. and everyone's been tired the entire day. feels like some weather-driven emotion. i don't have to go to the music room to see if it's open so that i can deposit my instrument there anymore. we played sexist games during civics lesson.

the first part of the day was long and there were no breaks. i was feeling really hungry and tired and weak. i didn't like the new seating at the physics and chemistry lectures. it's been a really terrible day, as though a dementor has been walking beside me the entire day.

pe was boring. and then i was sitting in the canteen after that. just sitting, no talking. cca fest is tomorrow, and there's nothing i can do for art club. i don't even know what's happening there now. there haven't been any meetings since the last holidays. and then i was thinking about syo, which resumes this thursday.

h3 maths was quite ok. i just feel a little bit sad today. it's only a moment of weakness. and when i got home i ate a lot of ben and jerry's ice cream.

shall we talk

oh dear i think i saw mr lee glaring at me for not having completed reading the entire set of geography notes. and i don't like vectors. argh gp essay test. on the first gp lesson! i'm starting to get used to the new timetable, and i like the way we end school early now. oh yes i made everyone eat at kfc for lunch!

had to go home to mop the floor. oh no friday morning pe lesson has been changed =(

remix orchestra

did a little afternoon shopping for eason's cd. haha i was getting ready to get his autograph! and then i realised that the cd booklet was all black, and i didn't have a gold/silver marker for him to sign with =( then i went to synwin to get spare strings in case mine broke during the concert haha.

then there was too much time to spare, so i went back to raffles city to go chippy's for fried mars bars! omg the queue at donut factory was uber long. but the donuts look pretty. i walked around raffles city and looked at das erzgebirge-haus for a long time.

i never got the pass for the concert. the plan was to get him to sign on the back of the pass that had his face, and all the proof that we played in his concert =( but i do hope i got eason's signature. oh yes, ruolin's sister had a gold marker! we all passed our stuff to his manager to get him to sign it, but we wouldn't get it back till the next day. he was really so busy!

i recorded a few of the songs during the rehearsal. omg i like 富士山下 and 幸福摩天輪 so much! 世界 and 一夜銷魂 and 夕陽無限好! ah everything! 幸福摩天輪 is so bouncy and cute! eh eason's really friendly and funny. he came in during our dinner break to take photos with us! then he shook each and everyone's hands! omg his hand is really big.

the strings weren't involved in the first half of the concert, so we all stood by the side to watch it haha! and for free yay! oh he really knew how to hold his audience. and he kept dancing and jumping around i didn't know where he got all that energy from. oh he sang 'look what you've done' too. there were fireworks! not for the faint-hearted.

the concert was so fun, i really would like to do it again if i could =( it felt like being back in hong kong somehow. when he sang 幸福摩天輪, in which only a quartet played, i was listening and swinging along haha! and then when i closed my eyes i could picture everything in hong kong again. all my best memories came back clearly to me. 聖誕結 had confetti towards the end. haha everything was flying back towards us. and then i was worried if the confetti was going to attack me >.< i was wondering when the confetti would stop shooting out of the machine, but it didn't! omg there were like tonnes of confetti attacking us. the funniest was that the pianist's keyboards were all covered up in confetti, and he was scrambling to get them off before the next song!

everyone was really high at the end of the concert. omg eason shook our hands again on our way down the stage! once again, his hand is really big. then he went on to sang some encores. and everyone was screaming, waving light sticks and being really high haha! but he disappeared so quickly after the concert =( as though after he got off stage he just walked into a car and sped off.

ok, all in all it was fun. everyone was nice to work with. we made much less money than the professionals, but it was fun! haha consensual exploitation. oh but it's sad that we couldn't take back the scores with us.

i saw ms low at the expo mrt station after that haha. and i missed the boon lay train at tanah merah by a large margin. so annong and i were running to beat the crowd to the queue for taxis. but the taxis took so long to come i ended up having to pay the 35% surcharge. it cost me $17 in all to get home, but everything was fun!

minus-one

oh yay mr seah's my morning pe teacher again. we took height and weight today, and i grew by 1cm! but my weight's over 60kg =( i've been attacked twice today, and i so hate the world today. i can't believe it, i just can't. sobs.

everyone enjoys a little love-hate relationship now and then. it gives you the ability to fall so dependently on someone, and yet be able to rid yourself of that power that that person holds over you.

i've been so embarrassed today.

i ran three rounds on the track, and my legs are breaking now. omg is anyone going to watch eason chan tomorrow? omg i'm playing in his concert, thanks to ruolin! yay and i get paid too! there was a rehearsal today, and prior to it i've never heard him sing before. and it's nice!

well, it's been a long time since i last took out my viola to play.

香港 seven: there and back again

i'm fine, everything was fine. and then suddenly i'm on the outside of my body, watching the person who looked like me turn into a raving maniac. sometimes it just becomes an obsessive compulsion.

800th

it has simply turned gloomy today. oh the air conditioners in the classrooms have started operating. physics practical was driving me crazay. i just couldn't connect the wires correctly, and i kept plotting the graph on a wrong scale. i was sitting at the soup spoon at raffles city. moon river was playing over the speakers. went to synwin to get the kreutzer studies, and an escalator stopped working while i was on it.

i just don't remember growing up. tell me when i did. it's alright, they would even tell you it's ok to shoplift a bible.

香港 six: the carousel waltz

香港 five: his 坏人 cap

香港 four: the vain effort

this may be my best smile ever. however, it's raining right now.

香港 three: the tunnel jam

the city looks more like hong kong as it's usually portrayed on the media. but i still loved mongkok more. the sunset by stanley bay was nice. but isn't it sad if repulse bay was actually named after someone?