oh my god your bodhisattva

hello my block leave has started! i have about one week to do all the library book browsing, baking book shopping, and recipe-testing i can.

ok, the past two weeks have been on ICCT, which was a very scary experience. but i have, as of today, passed the course, after getting knocked everywhere by jinquan =( i have also started weapon training, and will be going to live shooting on saturday despite the block leave sigh.

there were three army guys in smart 4 on the train, and they were bloody sitting down. shakes head in disappointment. and they saw and old man, and were making glances at each other to give up their seats, but no bloody one moved. omg i wanted to embarrass them by like going to one of them, smiling and saying loudly: do you mind giving up the seat to him? what the hell la, then they pulled their jockey caps lower to avoid glances from the public, as though if they can't see the world then the world can't see them.

after reaching home i went to queesway shopping centre to get my photocopying done. so tomorrow i'll return the library books, and i'll be buying bertinet's dough and crust!

2492: the number written on a piece of paper i suddenly dug out from my pants pocket while waiting at a junction today. it was the paper i wrote on to collect my duffel bag and field pack on enlistment day. it started raining as we were queuing up to write down our collection numbers, and it's only been about three months since then.

oh yes over here i tried to distinguish between cookies and biscuits, but after reading a book, i decided that i'm going to just use the american term from now on, however much i like nigella's writing. because they are still the same things, but 'biscuit', when pronounced bis-kwee instead of bis-kit, refers to a type of european sponge cake, in fact. so. ya. cookies.

specialities: a lesson on cut-out biscuits

ok, preheat your oven to 180°C, then get on to setting up. if you have put the dough in the refrigerator overnight, you might want to take some of the chill off by placing it in the vegetable compartment for half an hour, or else rolling the dough may present problems.
you need a clean counter, a roller, some flour, and cookie cutters of various shapes. i simply used a bench scraper because i wanted to cut them free-hand into wedges.

now, lightly dust the work surface and rolling pin with flour - lightly being the operative word. you don't want to incorporate too much flour into the dough during the rolling process as this will toughen it up.

place one slab of dough on the counter and leave the other in the refrigerator until done with the first. roll the dough evenly until about 0.5cm thick. because i wanted to cut them into wedges, i chose to start off with the dough in a square shape; it's more convenient to roll into a big rectangle that way, hence allowing maximum use of the dough from the first roll.

as i said before, you should aim to cut as many biscuits as you can from the first roll - i tried my re-rolled biscuits, and they really are much tougher. if using a cookie cutter, dip it in flour before stamping the dough. stamp the entire piece of dough before taking the cut pieces out one by one.

one tip: do not twist the cutter after you stamp it in, as what people might teach you to do. this can distort the surrounding biscuits. just stamp it in, and lift the cutter up vertically; if you find the dough begins to stick on your cutter as you lift it up, you need to dip the cutter in flour again.
i used my bench scraper to cut the dough into wedges. (i decided to make bars with my second slab of dough because it would really maximise the use of the first roll.) i also pricked them with a toothpick to give a shortbread look.

after cutting up your dough, use a bench scraper to lift the pieces one by one onto the baking sheet, leaving a little space between each piece. the dough should not spread much during baking, so the spaces can be quite small; doing so will also allow you to bake as many biscuits in one batch as possible - you don't want to leave the dough out in the open for too long either. the cut dough should detach from the counter without sticking too much, and without being warped easily. otherwise, it means the dough has become too warm - aim to work in a cool environment. also, sweaty palms is your enemy: stay calm and work steadily.

now, bake the biscuits for 8-12 minutes. i honestly haven't been able to follow this timing given by nigella. often i take up to 18 minutes. really, go by eye - the biscuits should be golden at the edges when they are done.

while the first batch is baking, gather the scrap dough left over from the first cutting and roll into a ball, pat into a small disc, and refrigerate for some time.
when the first batch has finished baking, take the baking sheet out and leave on a wire rack to cool. now is a good time to start working on the scrap dough. repeat the same rolling and cutting process for this scrap dough. this time, try to finish using all the dough, because, really, if you gather the scraps and roll them yet again, the biscuits won't be tender anymore. you'll also find that the scrap dough is softer and warps more easily as you handle it (see photo above) - that's because with each thawing and refrigerating, it becomes wetter.

so, i say again: i cut the dough into wedges and bars so that there is minimal scrap dough. it is more economical, culinarily speaking, than using fancy cutters.

because there is a limit to how many you can bake at one go, and because you don't want to leave the cut dough out in the open for too long (condensation and softening), work with the dough in separate small batches instead of one big block. that is, take out the second slab to use only after you are completely done with your first slab. that's why if you decide to make up a big batch to store in deep freeze, store in separately wrapped discs, not as an entire block.

after all the biscuits have cooled completely, use a fork to gently push and release them from the baking sheet. take extra care with if you've used fancy cutter with small tails/curls/swirls - these biscuits tend to break at slim joints.
i know the biscuits are not identical in size and shape; their edges are not smooth but quite rugged; the pricks are not evenly distributed; the sides of the bars are not perfectly parallel; the triangles are not exactly right triangles. but that's ok. even sonya, queen of 45° and the parallel world, would approve.

that's because they're hand-made.

formalities: a lesson on cut-out biscuits

i feel i have to distinguish between biscuits and cookies. well, 'biscuit' seems to be the overarching term, while 'cookie' is an american creation. they should refer to the same thing, but looks-wise you would have a tendency to associate certain things with cookies, others with biscuits. in general, i think of cookies as those things with chunks of nuts, fruit and/or chocolate mixed in. biscuits on the other hand make me think of regular-shaped plain things.

otherwise, i think they're the same. when we talk about 'drop' cookies/biscuits, we are referring to those made from dough where you simply spoon and drop onto the baking sheet, as was done here. but i'm making a 'cut-out' biscuit this time, meaning they are cut into shapes from a rolled dough before being placed onto the baking sheet.

there are, of course, other types of cookies/biscuits, like 'ice-box', 'bar', 'pressed', 'stenciled', 'piped' and 'twice-baked'. if i ever try those cookies/biscuits, i'll write about the different techniques involved.

tomorrow i'm going to bake butter cut-out biscuit wedges, which is nothing more than nigella's butter cut-out biscuits sans the cookie cutter. i am going to cut the dough free-hand, into wedges, so as to reduce the need to re-roll.

that's one thing about cookies/biscuits made from rolled dough. you want to maximise the number of cookies/biscuits you get from the first roll, because they become noticeably tougher if they are baked from the subsequent re-rolls. in other words, work the dough less to keep it tender, as with pie doughs.

this recipe is so nice that i've decided to share it. pray no publishers come to sue me. anyhow, i shall give citation for it. it comes from nigella lawson's how to be a domestic goddess: baking and the art of comfort cooking.
you need 400g plain flour, 1 tsp baking powder, 1 tsp salt, 200g castor sugar, 175g soft unsalted butter, 2 large eggs and 1 tsp vanilla extract. i am omitting the ingredients for icing, because i don't bother with it; the biscuits are nice by themselves. (by the way, this recipe comes from the children chapter in her book, which explains the need for colourful icings. but i'm making this to bring to camp.)

i also think that you should use only the best ingredients, because there are so few required; the taste of each affects the overall taste. especially butter! i'm using président butter for these biscuits.

sift the flour with the baking powder in a bowl. add the salt, and use a fork to roughly combine.
cream the butter and sugar until pale and moving towards moussiness. i take at least five minutes for this on my machine (on high), so i really don't think you should cream by hand for this, though you could if you want i guess, as long as it doesn't warm up to the point where the butter melts.
beat in the eggs and vanilla. at this point, i turn my machine off and begin using a wooden spoon to beat.
add the flour, a third at a time, and mix gently but surely.
after all the flour has been mixed in, use your instinct: if the mixture feels too sticky to be rolled out, add little amounts of flour, taking care not to produce a tough dough. in both my attempts, i've never had to add extra flour, so, ya, nigella is good. besides, i have a feeling it also depends on the temperature and relative humidity of your kitchen.
turn the dough out onto the counter and halve it. pat into two discs, or indeed squares, as i have done, and wrap in clingfilm.
put into the refrigerator and let rest for at least one hour. i've made this tonight so that i can just let it rest overnight. i'm going to bake the entire batch tomorrow, but if you want to use only half the dough, stash the other half into deep freeze until next needed.

it also makes sense to make up big batches of the dough to store in deep freeze, though not for absurdly long periods (i think one month is the maximum), so that you can bake them whenever you want/need to. if you do so, remember to store them as separate discs instead of one big slab.

when i post tomorrow's photos, i'll finish the recipe.

andalasias

went to visit 姑姑 at her house, which i've never been to before. the baby's so small. and the house is so woody. i also, by chance, found this piece in the house.

knead to bake

this is about breaking bread with people, and it's lovely.
oh my god i just finished baking the cinnamon buns. you'll find that there are a few lapses in my photos. at those moments where photos are lacking, it's because my hands were really not fit to take photos.

first is the kneading. from the moment i added the liquids into the flour mixture and put my hands in to knead, i could no longer hold a camera, because the mixture was a disgusting sticky sludge. and who knew it would be an hour before i finally managed to knead the whole mess into a decent looking dough. yes, one hour - manual kneading.

bertinet chooses to call this 'working the dough', because french technique differs from the british/american technique. it's all about getting air and life into the dough. anyhow, the inital dough was so sticky i didn't know how to knead it the way my american book teaches. so i did the way that bertinet decribes. (he doesn't recommend the way the american book teaches sobs.) however, he says the kneading will take five minutes, but i really took one hour before i could get the dough into the right texture!
after that i left it for rising, during which it really puffed up. and the metal bowl i put the dough in felt so warm! i think the yeast produces heat as it feeds on the sugars.
i conjured up a nice cinnamon-butter mixture to spread onto the rolled-out dough. then came the big screw-up. i used a knife to cut the dough, and it went all ugly and unrolling. cinnamon butter was squeezing out onto the table. omg then i got even more flustered and in the end the buns just looked like a mess. that's why i couldn't take photos of the cutting process too.
i only managed to make one tin with decent-looking buns, but even then those swelled so big during the baking process. never mind, 姑姑 will take them and eat them.

but once again, after everything messed up, then i realised what i should have done! i should have used my bench scraper to cut the roll, not the knife =(
ok, so the oven was a little too hot, and the top was slightly scorched; i'm unfamiliar with such high temperatures required to bake this bread - my oven is not calibrated by temperature nor gas mark!

anyhow, i took them out, believing, rather than knowing, that the insides were baked completely. *prays hard* then i broke into some of the bread, which turned out to be wonderfully baked, except that the deepest parts were still slightly moist, and those parts had a doughy taste - basically, they were still dough. well, i took the risk and ate some, so that if anything should happen by next morning, i'll not give out the buns. i've also received confirmation that yeast dies at a much lower temperature than my oven's. so there's no chance of eating live yeast.
overall i'm very satisfied with the dough-making! as nigella says, it is that warm feeling of homespun achievement, and you really need to work the dough yourself to feel this. although nigella says you could use the machine to do the hardest part of the kneading, and then proceed to do the last few minutes of therapeutic kneading by hand, i feel that doing everything entirely by hand represents the most sincerest effort at bringing your loved ones a hand-made loaf. it's like really making the dough come alive in your hands!

this recipe will be tried again, with much greater care on aesthetics.

t(-.-t)

this week, i've finished reading the phantom of the opera. if i'm going to read another old, unread book, i think it'll probably be wuthering heights. likewise, i never understood/finished that book because i tried reading it when i was too young.

i've also been involved in some serious body contact training, and my neck is hurting like fuck. i cannot look up. and imagine being slammed to the ground again and again. and getting your wrist twisted again and again. there is seriously only one word to describe it: fuck.

(to date, only fifteen posts on glass-shoe have the f word.)

still, i feel that i'm being watched over; glory company - until now - is not as 凶 as they all said it would be.

on other news, i spent my first night-out away from home yesterday, simply because i went home on the three previous days. i went to the jurong library with jinquan and discovered for the first time that the 11B card can be used to borrow books!

i have decided to move my baking scope onto breakfast stuff, so i'm on to quick breads and yeast breads. amongst my library books is the acclaimed dough by richard bertinet - the one that sonya recommended too!

as i learn about baking bread, i shall write more about the science behind that yeasty thing. by the way, i borrowed a book entirely on the science of baking - the chemistry, physics and biology behind the transformation of flour, eggs, sugar, etc. into a baked good.

this is so exciting, i'm going to start my journey on yeast breads with nigella's norwegian cinnamon buns. this baking project is for 姑姑, who gave birth to my new cousin last week!

count

hello i just came back from the GIC interview, which was quite nice. an interview that didn't actually make me feel dejected or worried. and it was my highest interview ever; highest in the physical sense. the receptionist - who, by the way, was so amazingly calm at multi-tasking across several phone lines - was on the 37th floor, but as if the 37th (where the view is already so stunning) is not high enough, i was sent to the 48th for the interview. if only i had a camera. i was overlooking the city area, and i could see the cranes and containers at the harbour, and the old shophouses down below.

even my ear pops in the lift.

ok, i have to bathe now and have lunch and go back to camp.

umbrella ella ella ay ay ay

hello stranger i am on a night-out again. today was a long day at watermanship training. basically, it was ultimate wetness. i am speechless. and the boots are squishing, but no matter - jinquan has taught me the power of newspapers.

and very much like newspapers and solid sodium hydroxide - i could tell you more about baking science now! - sugar absorbs water well. that's why sometimes you notice your sugar container is damp, especially at the cap. it is also for this reason that baked goods like cookies have to be kept in airtight containers; the deliquescent property of sugar causes the phenomenon which we call 漏风. (i don't know the english term for it.) basically, the baked good loses its crunch if left in the open, because the sugar absorbs water and causes the thing to soften. i think putting a softened cookie in the refrigerator restores its crunch again simply because the refrigerator withdraws water, as do air-conditioners!

this morning i woke up at 3am because the radio in the bunk was permanently on and playing music that woke me up. weirdly though, it played a song that sounded so familiar. the tune was 东方神起's one. however, the lyrics were in chinese! but i was very sure it was the song i was thinking of because i hummed along with the tune. then later the radio played 张韶涵's 不痛.

the even weirder thing was that it felt as though the songs played as i was thinking of them. like, i was thinking of 东方神起's one, and then i suddenly realised that it was playing on the radio. likewise, i was thinking of the strings prelude in 不痛, and the radio seemed to take me straight into the song after the prelude in my head ended.

the weird 3am happenings.

tomorrow i shall be out for a GIC interview. but by now i'm already feeling quite jaded about applications that entail interviews. i think that there is a very high chance that i am not even being considered for the MOE scholarships.

i would love to bake something tomorrow too, but i cannot betray the kindness of my platoon sergeant, who gave me a lot of time allowance out of camp, with the trust that i returned to camp as soon as i finished the interview. but i'm thinking, what if i repaid that kindness by staying at home longer, to bake something nice and then offer him some?

sighs.

tristesse: a lesson on quick breads

i baked nigella's chocolate version of the banana bread, simply because i had the time to. anyway, time to tell you - a general you - about quick breads. i would consider the banana bread a quick bread, not a cake, nor a yeast bread.

quick breads are stuff like muffins, pancakes, scones... they are not cakes because, fundamentally, they don't look like what a cake should look like; they don't have the fine crumbs produced by the creaming method; they are not filled, iced and decorated the way cakes are. quick breads are also not yeast breads because they do not use yeast as a leavener.

instead, they make use of chemical leaveners like bicarbonate of soda or baking powder. these chemicals react in the batter itself to produce gases, which expand when the batter is placed into the oven.

by contrast, yeast breads are given time to rise before baking - the yeast is allowed to feed on the dough, producing gases that get trapped in the dough. then these air pockets expand in the oven to make the bread rise as it bakes.

because quick breads rely on chemical leaveners, you don't have to give them time to rise. just mix and cook.

a tip: always sift the baking powder or bicarbonate of soda into the flour mixture. after that, whisk the flour mixture thoroughly. if not dispersed properly, the chemical leaveners clump together, and biting into such a clump will give a taste so bitter/soapy it'll make you feel sick.
also, work fast once the leaveners are added into the batter; bicarbonate of soda begins producing gases upon contact with acids, while baking powder does so with water (i think). you want to work fast to keep as much gas in the batter as possible before baking, so that the batter rises nicely.
yup, that's pretty much all there is about quick breads.
i seriously cannot tell you how nice it is to eat this! the best part is i stirred in some really good, dark chocolate chunks. the only regret is not using extremely ripe bananas, resulting in a not-so-aromatic product. now, as with many dark chocolate stuff, i think this chocolate banana bread goes well with a white chocolate custard. best served for with a glass of cold milk on a hot sunny day out.

i would like to add that when you walk out into the cool night air after a bath, holding in your hands a bag containing some warm slices of chocolate banana heaven, you will feel an aura of god-likeness emanate from you.

weiyang is (finally) coming out this weekend, and i'm thinking of norwegian cinnamon buns!

modus operandi

yesterday i was carrying a shit load of things into camp. surprisingly, on the train, a lady wanted to let me have a seat. then weiyang called me, thinking that he has a nightly encounter with a ghost behind his bed. and so i sat down at jurong east, talking on the phone for some time.

if only we really had this kind of time, to sit down amidst our rushing about, just to talk and laugh about everything. last night the moon was indeed round. and a pale yellow too.

so, the cinnamon chocolate chip cookies were... not very perfect? taste-wise, they were too sweet, like jinquan said. and they were too crispy. i'm still looking for the crunchy kind, like the freaking 7th december 2007 ones! i think it's quite impossible to replicate those, but impossible is nothing, right? anyhow, they were finishing fast, so i guess people still like them.

went for my NUS interview today, which explains why i am booked out. i rushed all the way there, under the hot sun, only to reach one hour early and have the interview half an hour late. really, i don't know why, but by the time i went in for the interview i was already feeling so jaded. and the interview was lousy too; i could't answer many of the questions. and i don't know why instead of at least searching hard for crap to reply them with, i simply declined to answer their questions, saying i had no answers/i don't know. and the weather turned gloomy, though it never rained. so the supposedly twenty-minute interview became a chop chop five-minute affair.

the takeaways from the interview? a free mug and a free pen.

sat on bus 33 back home, watching fairfield zoom past, feeling absolutely feeling-less. but baking would wake me up.

dunked: a lesson on drop cookies

a lovely morning, a kitchen filled with cinnamon smells! i feel the need to share the secrets of professional bakers - secrets i have learnt from books and other people - just read ahead.
these are the things i used to make today's cookies, whose recipe is based on that of the jeffrey cookies. i did these in my bedroom today, so that i could use the air-conditioner, though this must be a very costly operation.
creaming the butter and sugar (by hand) in a cold room is real hard work, because the butter remained firmly solid. but after ten minutes of mashing at the butter, i finally got it soft enough. i really liked the sandy feel of creaming the butter and sugar.

time for some baking science! creaming involves nothing more than a spoon, a bowl, butter and sugar. if you're using an electric mixer, use the paddle attachment. the act of creaming butter with sugar introduces air into the dough/batter. this mixing method is used for many cookies, cakes and tart doughs. introducing air into the dough/batter is to make use of the air as a leavener: in the oven, the air spaces expand and cause the dough/batter to rise. in general, creaming time for cookies is kept short, so you want a sandy feel; we normally do this by hand. for cakes, we cream towards fluffiness - or even moussiness - and this is usually done using a mixer, otherwise our hands will just die. a short creaming time gives cookies their brittle texture, while a long creaming time gives cakes a very fine crumb.

so now you know what 'creaming' means! when i next do pie doughs, i'll talk about 'rubbing'.
adding the egg, cinnamon, flour, and then chocolate chips.

after adding eggs, the butter-sugar mixture sometimes hardens into flecks. this curdling is due to the eggs being too cold when it is added. we use room-temperature eggs, not fridge-cold eggs. this is especially important in cake-making, where every ingredient must be at room temperature when mixed. if the mixture hardens into flecks, just keep beating until the flecks disappear. also, for this reason, we add eggs one by one, ensuring good mixing before adding the subsequent egg.

today's dough definitely felt stiffer than those i made last time, which i think should be the right way! the dough smelled (and tasted) very nice too. oh yes you could see the spots of cinnamon powder dispersed in the dough. it's so cute! if i found vanilla beans, i shall use them instead of vanilla essence. (this also gives dots of vanilla, like those you see in beardpapa's cream puffs.)
because the dough was stiff enough, i could spoon them onto the baking sheet easily, without much sticking, unlike my previous attempts. and i managed to make them almost all the same size. i am eternally grateful to my classmates who bought me the american book; it's such an essential book on techniques.
following the advice of the american book, i used the bottom of a glass dipped in sugared water to flatten the dough. and a lightly moistened finger to press the dough into nicer circles. this would produce cookies with a better look. and looks matter!
true enough, because the dough was properly cool until it went into the oven, the cookies spread just enough. if the dough was warm, like in any typical singaporean room, then the cookies would have spread much more and run into each other. yes, the american book speaks the truth! i will always prepare drop cookie doughs in a cold environment now. anyhow, the kitchen was soon filled with the smell of cinnamon.

another tip for anyone who wants to bake cookies! this one's from sonya, last year, or even two years ago. when baking cookies, don't look for the entire cookie to harden in the oven - it would have burnt by then. instead, take them out of the oven when the edges are set and firm to the touch of a fork. let them cool at room temperature (without any fan blowing in the vicinity). you want the cookies to cool naturally, so that the residual heat inside will finish cooking the cookies themselves.
perfectly circular cookies! the only problem was that the cinnamon in the cookies was very masked by the taste of butter, though you can still smell it. you'll also notice that the cookies i made last time, with the exception of the ones on 7th december 2007, in general had gently sloping edges. these, however, have very convex edges, if you know what i mean. i think it has everything to do with sending the cookies into the oven while the dough is still cool.

with such success on technique, i can't wait to find an excuse to bake a pie again! this time i would do the pie dough in my bedroom too, air-conditioned. the last times i did pie dough, i had always hoped and waited for cool weather, but now i shall control my own destiny! the only problem is i'll have to find a surface in my room on which to work the dough.
anyway, korean strawberries for brunch, anyone?

trick of the trades

i'm beginning to pick up the habit of doing the close work for baking just before bed. tonight, i've prepared the ingredients for making cookies tomorrow. i'm also going to try using an air-conditioned environment to make the cookie dough, because the american book says the dough for drop cookies should be properly cool before going into the oven. so we'll see how it turns out! if it turns out good, i think i'll do it for pie dough as well.

mise en place:

finding anmitsu

korean strawberries have made a (rare) appearance at ntuc! these are much more like the japanese ones, so much cheaper, but still quite expensive. time for more desserts with strawberries and custard.

today i made my first withdrawal from my bank account =( this means i have finally drained the resources in my piggy bank, even with the input from chinese new year. anyhow, i have resolved to using only $300 for the next five months. don't tempt me with things to buy.

met jinquan to buy stuff for armour. hai i don't really want to go outfield, nor touch gun grease. went to borders in pursuit of the $10 harry potter book, but they were still selling at $20. browsed baking book after baking book. and then went to kino to look at more. i think nigella's nigella express will be a good book to use too.

now i plan to produce money to get rose levy beranbaum's bibles, richard bertinet's crust and dough, CIA's baking and pastry, an oven and a candy thermometer, and a piping bag.

i ended up having dinner everywhere at orchard, because i was trying to find the red bean pancake that sonya recommended. i think the stall is no longer there =( anyway, i ate donuts, unagi handroll, and had soya bean milk.

abulia

i started reading the phantom of the opera. i got the book in 2001, but at that time i was so young that i never understood/finished reading the book. so now i'm back on it.

on monday i sat on a helicopter yay! -.- given the choice, i would rather not be in that exercise. i mean, the rain on that day kept coming on the wrong times, such that the exercise was not cancelled, and we had to run and splash in mud =(

i have moved into the new bunks, and the people there are amused that i like the fruit bars from the combat rations. so anyway, they gave me fourteen fruit bars in total. i am also going to bring my own milo sachets to camp, because i discovered the comfort of making an instant drink using the hot water from the water cooler.

i have also learnt to tear featherlite, after too many tries.

my weekend has been cut short this time, because of guard duty. zomg mindless/brainless standing around for two hours at one go. while doing duty, i was watching the stars and lightning. occasionally the sky would be illuminated, and you would see the extensive cloud cover there actually is. i also watched a star grow fainter until it disappeared.

while sleeping during the break, i had a dream. i dreamt of being out in the cold on a christmas eve night. i cooked a hot bowl of soup that made a little boy happy. and i woke up crying. don't know why.

during the second shift, it began to rain; i looked at the pavement become dotted with rain drops, until it was completely wet. the straight road ahead turned blurry, like 雨蒙蒙 would have described it. when the sky finally brightened in the morning, it revealed a very gloomy and cold sky.

sometimes i really think again and again about why i am in such a place, such a situation. but yes, let's wait for the christmas after the next; by then i'll be back in the home baking.

on other news, the PSC application was unsuccessful.

bring me there

haha surprisingly i'm on a night-out again. desperate housewives is back on, but it's downloading so slowly. anyway, yesterday was super muddy and rainy. tell you more next time; rushing back soon. but first, a song from 东方神起!

bloom in the snow

oh no, listening to yuki no hana makes me feel so ___. it's the song that xiufu sent me, but listening to it reminds me of so many things, not just bmt and the leopard people.

i can't name the feeling that the song makes me feel; i can't find the word for this feeling i have felt so many times. and this is the very feeling that makes me remember many things: of dreams and impossibilities (and the frustration of knowing the impossibilities), of gloomy/sad/grey/hurting/painful - i can't find the right adjective either - histories and uncertain futures.

even working hard could/would not get me what i really want.

deedeedeedeedumdum

yet more breakfast scones! this is the other half of the batch of dough i made two nights ago. this time i spread the egg wash very generously, and sprinkled sugar on top for a crusty, sugary feel. today's scones came out more moist, even though i baked them slightly longer than yesterday's batch; don't know why 不知道 不知道. but they tasted better, probably because of the sugar! just lacking some clotted cream and jam to go with them...i'm beginning to like the feeling of baking something for breakfast. not just because i can then have breakfast freshly-baked, but also because of the way it makes me feel so modern. it's like you come home from a long day of work, and no matter how tired you are, you still prepare the ingredients, dough, etc. - that is, do all the close work - just before you retire for the night. come next morning, you simply mix the stuff together, chuck them in the oven, and have home-and-hand-made breakfast, just the way you like it.

imagine having freshly-baked scones, bread, pancakes, biscuits or muffins every morning. but of course, baking for oneself is not very economical, because one batch of recipe always produces a lot. the point is to bake for loved one(s).

bounty from the kitchen

i tried playing 'so close' on the piano today. it's so hard =( dessert for dinner is fudge brownies with strawberries, topped with white chocolate bailey's custard!
yay i played with the recipe from the american book and cooked the custard (used in the banana cream pie) so that it had white chocolate and bailey's in it!

just imagine cutting into a slice of sludgy brownie and tasting the dark chocolate in it, contrasted by the sweetness (and coldness) of the white chocolate custard (with a hint of bailey's), and the juiciness of the pretty strawberries!

come to think of it, maybe i know more than just how to use an oven now. and now i understand what nigella means by making comfort food, eating comfort food, and feeling like a domestic goddess.

breakfast stage 2

woke up at early 8am, turned on the oven, brushed on the egg wash, and baked the scones! they smelled lovely, but i'm not so sure if they were supposed to taste so plain. they were like bread, not like the scones i found outside. sigh. but still a nice breakfast.

breakfast stage 1

well, i did want to make the banana bread with chocolate chunks, but then i realised i made the dumbest mistake - having bought all the butter and flour i needed, i forgot about the bananas. so, i switched to another plan, and that is to make scones!

i used nigella's recipe, and adopted the freeze method in the american book. so i've already made the scone dough, and am now putting them in deep freeze, and then baking them early in the morning tomorrow for breakfast! omg i imagine it to be so warm and nice. that is, if i wake up early enough to do it as a family breakfast. and the other problem is i don't know how long i should bake them for now, because i mixed methods from both books.

this is my first time making scones; i hope they turn out real nice. making the dough required the rubbing mixing method, and doing this reminded me very much of the times i did pie dough in the past. but tonight i chose to put down the two butter knives i was using to cut the butter in, and decided to go all out - by using my fingers. omg it felt so weird to be rubbing the butter into the flour using my fingers. once in a while you will feel a sudden chill when you rub a knob of butter into the flour. after adding the milk, and still mixing by hand, it felt really awfully sludgy, but after a while the dough started coming together smoothly, and then it felt right.
so then i patted the dough into a big circle and cut it into 12 slices. my fingers smell so buttery. they smell just the same way as pie dough would.
and now they're in the freezer waiting to be baked tomorrow. i think i'll bake only half the batch first, and use the other half for sunday breakfast!

(and the plan for white chocolate custard to go with the strawberries still stays.)

damn i'm good.

理所当然我的错

a chance encounter got me watching this again. omg so nice. i really love the last part; it's like a swan song.

原来回光返照以后

i have finally started some real training with the company. i still feel that the people are quite scary, though some of the commanders seem nice. i think i'll be flying in a helicopter on monday...

and time to lose the flabs again.

anyway i went for my interview at the learning lab today. this was by far the best interview i had i think. the director already made me feel like i had a good chance of getting the scholarship if i really wanted it. he was most encouraging for me to go london to study, though the scholarship offered covers only local studies.

oh i love that place! it's so... clean. and like glassy-classy. i think i shall apply to work there next time even if i don't take up their scholarship! i can only say that the place is so lovely zomg.

and, wearing office wear, walking about with my cute tote bag, feels so fine.

i found nice-looking, sweet-smelling (and cheap) strawberries at ntuc today! so rare; i hope they are actually sweet. now i'm thinking of a breakfast that has banana bread with chocolate chunks, and strawberries with white chocolate custard!

screw the leftover, failed cheesecake. but maybe the leftover brownies/fudge could go well with a white chocolate custard.

芝麻开门

hello, the india people are back, but there's still no programme for us. so i'm on yet another night-out. probably my last one though.

the brownies. yes, the brownies. true enough, the big square one was highly under-baked. the border was quite baked, so those parts were brownies; towards the centre, it became fudge brownies; and at the centre was pure fudge. feel so wasted - all the good chocolate =(

oh i found out so many ghost stories of bmt. one of them is near weiyang~ and my computer is dying again.

resting and serving

oh yes something was brewing in the kitchen! by a twist of fate, an evening storm came up. and by a twist of fate, i could stay home to bake. oh yes my baking mojo suddenly all came back. this time it's nigella's brownie recipe. i don't know why, but baking makes me so happy that i can spin on the spot.
from basic ingredients into a complete batter. i'm so proud to say that i beat everything by hand! and it was dramatic - making a baked good amidst lightning and thunder.
into the oven and out came the brownies! i had some problem determining doneness. i wasn't using pans the same size as specified by nigella, so i couldn't be sure when to take them out. anyhow, i think the small round ones were baked, but the big square one still has a moist centre...
oh don't we all know where the last bits of batter went.

i seem to have developed split personalities. it changes with the things i wear. the smart 4, the office wear, the apron. at other times, i'm trying to find myself.

yes, sometimes, only chocolate will do. and today, this week, this year, next year, there will be a (dire) need for chocolate.