schadenfreude: 幸灾乐祸

ok i am back from the outfield week, and i think i'm not fated with tanks. not quite the case with mosquitoes, though. i can even hear them in the silence of the night when they fly near my ear.

amidst the endless waiting for things to happen at night, i looked at the many stars in the sky, but never saw orion's belt. the best night was the night i lay on top of the tank and was in the perfect position to look at the stars until i fell asleep.

i want to fix up a good breakfast soon.

fiveless

jeffrey cookies:
with the cake flour i think they puffed more than normal, so they looked quite fat. and they turned out softer too, more cakey.
these are the cutesy hexagonal ones that formed when they all spread into each other. one thing though: i can't/don't produce consistent results for jeffrey cookies.

graham crackers:
this dough was supposed to be chilled in the refrigerator, but like i said, it was dying, and so i had to use the freezer compartment, which was by then only as cold as a working refrigerator.
and like i said, these behaved a lot like nigella's cut-out biscuits. they were chilled, rolled, cut and baked. and they spread minimally.

oatmeal-raisin cookies:
these are the logs of dough prepared for chilling in the freezer. that's icebox cookies for you. from there, the logs are cut into slices and baked directly.
i was quite shocked by how much the cookies spread. don't know whether it's because i used instant oats instead of rolled oats, though i doubt it would affect the spreading.
and so i had an insane number of very large oatmeal-raisin cookies. but it's ok, half of them are probably already eaten (by me).

sweet and salty peanut biscuits:
i don't have much to say about these. they're light and nice. nigella brings out the best.

strawberry biscuits:
well, these aren't really strawberry biscuits - they're just flavoured with a strawberry extract, a spin-off from nigella's intended maple extract. but i can't think of any other name for them. still, they're pretty nice. it was actually quite soothing to roll the dough balls and press them with the tines of a fork. and they look like cute seashells, no?

the objective:
i don't know how practical it would be to carry a bag of cookies like this outfield. but i like the idea of having something home-made when i am far away from home/civilisation, both physically and mentally.
and my cookie tub is filled with much, much leftovers. perfect for bringing around visiting people, or serving guests who stop by.

the last two doughs

i have finally finished what i set out to do.
this is the dough for nigella's sweet and salty peanut biscuits. it's my first time using light muscovado sugar. and i prefer it much more to brown sugar.
nigella's maple-pecan biscuits came about when she chanced upon maple extract. but i only had strawberry extract, so this is my strawberry take on the same recipe, and i omitted the pecans.

1400th entry

i've made my very first batch of oatmeal-raisin cookies from scratch. the first time i used betty crocker's. this time the recipe comes from the american book. and it was a monstrous batch because they was so much dough. that is, it was very tiring on my hand to mix.
may i also add that this dough, unbaked, is dangerously eatable? it's so very chock full of oatmeal and so scrumptious because of that.

these cookies are icebox cookies. that means the dough is rolled into logs and chilled till firm before being cut and baked directly. because my freezer was not cold enough, the dough could not firm up and keep it's shape when i sliced it. still, the resulting cookies were delicious.

redemption

nothing is worse than a dying refrigerator on a hot day, especially when you need to work with chilled doughs. i am now forced to cancel two items from my baking list.
this is the dough for the graham crackers, which would behave very much like nigella's cut-out biscuits. the recipe comes from a book i borrowed, kitchen classics: sweet and savoury pies.

i think sonya would eat those.

1.22, 3.17

i feel a loss. somehow, with each week, i feel that more and more of me is being chipped off, exchanged for something cheaper and lower-grade. yes, things are killing me bit by bit and i just want to retain everything that is me.

amidst the hubbub of 'platoon bonding', i'm still waiting for a thousand confirmations on my scholarship and UK university applications. but a jennifer martin has been ever so prompt and helpful; honestly, she is alleviating my stress better than nigella's totally chocolate chocolate cookies do. those cocoa blocks have, in fact, been quite heaty.

still, i bake, and make things for the people who matter; probably because i need to make myself feel more worthy.
next week we are going outfield, so i'm just doing a few different cookies from tonight onwards and storing them in ziplocs. this is the beautiful cookie dough for jeffrey cookies, but with cake flour instead of plain flour; it was quite a successful experiment.

even though i had some cutesy hexagonal cookies on my final batch (these babies spread quite a lot in the oven), i shan't post any cookie photos yet. i'll wait until all the different cookies are done, and then take a photo of them gloriously piled together on a plate to serve (or not).

there are so many things i wish i could shout to the world in general. just make them see some truths that are staring them in their faces. like how it's been getting too hot. like why the cookies are called jeffrey cookies.

at this point in time, i feel a need to quote desperate housewives again: when the truth is ugly, people try to keep it hidden, because they know, if revealed, the damage it would do. so they conceal it within sturdy walls, or they place it behind closed doors, or they obscure it with clever disguises. but truth, no matter how ugly, always emerges. and someone we care about always ends up getting hurt. and someone else will revel in their pain, and that's the ugliest truth of all.

letting people into your house means letting them into your life.

instincts

so, i am on a night-out again because we have been granted the privilege to watch some soccer thing that is going to happen tomorrow morning 3am or something. but of course, everyone knows i won't be watching it, and PC even asked me to bake more cookies in the mean time.

but no, other important things beckon. i have to copy the nicest songs of 东方神起 onto my computer so that i can play them anytime. i have to plan how i am going to buy ingredients and coordinate the production of four items this weekend.

and all the time apprehensive about whether you know/are wary.

what's in a name? do the labels we attach to people tell us everything we need to know? if we say she's just a child, does this mean she's truly innocent? does calling her a drug dealer proof she's purely evil? will a man known as 'preacher' always practise what he preaches? can a man branded a villain possess the qualities of a hero? the truth is, a name can never really tell you who someone is anymore than it can tell you what they are capable of.

omg i can't wait for the next season of desperate housewives.

paraphernalia

hello, i am on a night-out again, and i'm finding excuses for a supper of old streusel pound cake and wholemeal bread with strawberry jam. it also seems a good time to make a caramel croissant pudding. it's at times like these that you should consult nigella express to whip up a good supper.

i got past low rope today.

solar flares

today i visited 姑姑 with my bounty of food. on the phone, melanie the baby was wailing like the diva. then when i reached the place she was quiet like an angel.

the role of the baby: sleep, cry, feed, poo.

i'm thinking of what i should do between december 2009 and july 2010. today i was talking with sonya online, and then i said that right now i don't feel the desperation to study overseas, or even study anymore. and she said that that's because i am in army, idiot.

i have accepted the NUS offer, but now the UK offers still tempt me. and imperial has just changed my offer to unconditional. but my finances are in a mess. oh what should i do? i want to study overseas but i don't want to.

跟他归家 为他唱

my grocery shopping list totalled $52.65, which is the record high. but still, it's gonna be worth it.

i really like it now that my oven is outside in the kitchen. it's so convenient. if only i had even more space to just leave the mixer outside too. and a big counter to work doughs.

shortbread:

i took a second shot at making the shortbread, using the same formula, but with a different method, and with added flavour. i figured that if there is going to be so much butter, then maybe the rubbing method can be discarded in favour of creaming.
and so i creamed the butter and sugars - using a mix of brown and castor sugar to give better taste too - to moussiness, and added vanilla and cinnamon. (cinnamon because i like it, and because i happen to have it, a small yet big bottle leftover from making cherry pies last year. you know - those small bottles of things that are so difficult to finish using.)
and so the piping hot shortbread cookies were made, cut, and left to cool. these were less fragile than the previous batch, probably because of the initial mixing method.

totally chocolate chocolate cookies:

i got the recipe for this from watching nigella on youtube. you could even call these babies 'triple chocolate cookies'; they include cocoa powder, melted chocolate, and chocolate chips. to make up this entire batch i used almost one kilo of chocolate.
melted bars of hershey's dark chocolate, which was quite intensely dark. i think van houten's baking bar may suit others more, but i liked the darkness of the resulting cookies.
the flour mixture with gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous cocoa powder.
700g of chocolate chips into the dough. don't gasp. as clara says, there can never be too much chocolate. and nigella says that she doesn't put a price on alleviating human suffering.
in the tv series, nigella uses these to 'administer top-class comfort'. you really have to try them to understand what she means. when you bite into it, the cookie crumbles and melts dreamily into your mouth. the chocolate is so intense to the point of being bitter on the first bite; the chocolatey after-taste emerges and you feel very, strangely, satisfied. and i believe, hand on heart, that these are the cure to any heartbreak.

100% wholemeal bread:

today is the day that bertinet's dough makes its debut! this recipe is called '100%' because it uses all wholemeal flour, not a mix of wholemeal and bread flour, which is the norm. this would mean that the bread is denser than normal. but the use of a poolish ferment makes it lighter than it would be.
don't ask what a poolish ferment is. i'm still learning. this is the poolish ferment when it was first whisked up, and then three hours later.
the final dough made by adding the rest of the ingredients into the poolish. left to rest for fifteen minutes.
the dough was divided into two and shaped into balls, and rested for another fifteen minutes.
shaped into loaves and left to prove for one hour. somehow, they just didn't swell as much as i think they should. and this resulted in a dense crumb.
i preheated the oven to the hottest. nowadays i'm getting to know more about my oven's ambiguous temperature markings. anyway, preheating at the hottest temperature means that when first put the bread in, it can develop a very good crust; put the bread in, then lower the temperature to the required one. misting the oven the moment you put the bread in also helps the development of a good crust. it makes you chew the bread more, encouraging the production of saliva, and hence improving your digestion.
bertinet didn't ask for scoring, but i still wanted to practise, so i tried it on one of the loaves.
turns out, the scoring was so pretty. but the loaves did not rise spectacularly in the oven. i really don't know why, it's as if the yeast was not feeding, or something's not right with the flour. that is, there was still a lack of air spaces in the loaves.

chances:

it is by chance that when nigella's recipe called for 60g cocoa, i had, give or take, exactly that amount left in my old bottles of van houten and hershey's.

perhaps, by chance, that i should even have picked up that copy of how to be a domestic goddess, when i was out late shopping with the seibu.

also, by chance, that i should see a very pretty moon against a blue evening sky.

and, by chance, that i should hear 下一站天后 in a coffee shop.

maybe, by chance, i will find a shop that sells blueberry pies.

i am going to take a chance and reject the UK university offers in favour or the NUS offer. if i stay in singapore to study, there will be auntie ruolin, jia en, beejuan, weiyang, yishi, aminah, toffa, paul, priscilla, (i'll leave this list open-ended)

facebook memories

hello, i just woke up to find a cockroach in my room, from which i, in all honesty, jumped back and ran to get my slippers. but it was mummy who, in the end, caught it bare-handed.

now i'm eating a 满月 cake from 姑姑, which was baked by her mother-in-law, and which tasted very nice. which means i still have many things unlearnt. oh and last sunday i tried hsien sheng's cheesecake, which was actually quite nice (and not made from philadelphia cream cheese) with the clever addition of cranberries! i think even sonya would approve.

it's been a long week of many things and i'm so tired, but my body naturally wakes itself up after six hours of insufficient sleep; but i choose to take it that my body is asking me to bake. so this weekend i'm having another shot at shortbread, and then i'm going to do chocolate chocolate chip cookies, wholemeal bread, and maybe a no-bake cherry cheesecake.

this week i had my first ride in the armour vehicle and it broke down. still, i think it's exciting to have home-baked cookies and stuff on board the vehicle during field camp.

and this week we celebrated sunshine's birthday with the alien cake i baked on sunday. they got him a kaleidoscope, something which i've never seen before, and something which is so pretty. like the lava lamp, it must not be looked at too often, otherwise it'll lose its charm.

last tuesday's night-out was spent at the library. i decided to focus a little on cooking simple meals, and that cannot exclude borrowing nigella bites. i'm really into the idea that we should cook our own food that we can be happy eating, and not settle for junk fast-food (and that, of course, includes baked goods.)

yes, it's only been a week, but a very long week. indeed, it feels like eons since i was back home, and i expect it's going to feel longer after the field camp in two weeks. but i have a pleasant change at home: the baking oven has become a permanent fixture in the kitchen, instead of being kept in the storeroom waiting to be called out into service; now it sit on the kitchen table, in place of the toaster oven, and the toaster oven now sits on top of it.

though an exciting day lies ahead, i must talk about the magical night before. that was when i looked up into the sky to see a gibbous moon, with a contrail stretched across the sky close to it. and then when i looked up five minutes later, another contrail was forming near the moon, across the sky, as a plane flew past. it looked like a falling star leaving a blazing trail in its wake, and it's amusing that planes should fly just close enough so that the moon would illuminate their tracks on the, otherwise, empty sky.

enjoy the new blog song! i hear a lot of jaejoong in it.

revolution

i baked a birthday cake today using nigella's recipe for her buttermilk birthday cake, and i'm just glad to have used up some more buttermilk. the cake turned out quite nice and fragrant. i also made a chocolate icing according to nigella's instructions and screwed it up. i learnt:

1. never to use castor sugar even if i run out of icing sugar
2. to not try to dissolve the sugar grains by reheating the whole bowl of icing
3. that once reheated, all the sugar in the icing will re-crystallise into big chunks

my icing became very grainy, so i'm just going to call it a burnt sugar chocolate icing. anyhow, i was going to put up photos of the icing process, but something went wrong with the memory card and now i can only get a photo of the finished product.

wait it out: a lesson on shorteners

i think of a dreamy crescent moon two nights ago. and i learnt that the difference between a drizzle and a rain is a short walk through the underpass.

today was mothers' day baking at jia en's house. i did a big batch of shortbread cookies, and then a sour cream streusel pound cake. weiyang did a chocolate mousse cake, recipe from nigella. jia en did the boston cream pie, recipe from nigella too.

shortbread:

i didn't exactly get a recipe for this. it was a formula i picked up in the baking science book i borrowed. it says 2 cups butter: 4 cups flour: 1 cup sugar. after that, it's really up to the baker - how to make the dough, what to use to bind the dough together.
some bakers use the creaming method, but because i wanted a flaky shortbread, i went for the rubbing method. and use some liquid to bind the dough together; i used egg yolks to enhance the richness.
anyhow, i think the formula was not very good, because there was clearly too much butter in the dough. when it baked, the cut pieces of dough all spread and merged with each other. and, i might try to use other types of sugar, perhaps brown sugar, to introduce more flavour; i could smell the butter in the cookies, but i could only taste flour and sugar, though weiyang really liked it.
the texture of the cookies was very extremely flaky - so perfect it was already like eating pie crust. this is the hallmark of butter rubbed well into the flour. proteins in flour will form long chains of gluten with each other when water is added. gluten formation toughens the dough and makes it less tender, more ideal for bread making. (the gluten network is tough, and can trap air produced by yeast fermentation.) this is the exact opposite of what you want in cookies, cakes, pies and tarts. you want tenderness.

baking fats (butter, lard, margarine, shortening, oils...) are able to surround protein molecules and prevent the formation of long-chain gluten. for this reason, they are also called 'shorteners'; they shorten gluten chains. shorter gluten chains means a more tender dough. as the name suggests, shortbread itself has enough butter in it for you to not worry about tenderness. the only difference is whether you want it grainy (creaming method) or flaky (rubbing method).

lunch:

lunch was procured at gastronomia, the high-end place at great world city. that place has the most beautiful breads and desserts packed in boxes, all fetching high prices, though i must say they do look worth the money. like, $3.20 for a small cupcake that looks as if into it has been stirred some very good earthy brazilian cocoa.
anyhow, i bought a big olive ciabatta (say je-bah-tuh) for a goodly $4.20. didn't measure, but it could be 40cm, or even 50cm long. and weiyang bought a beef and potato pie that was so hearty.

sour cream streusel pound cake:

this is the cake whose recipe comes from the american book. streusel just means 'scattered' or 'sprinkled'. and so in the morning i tossed up the streusel filling at home before bringing it to jia en's house.
the cake batter which contains sour cream for some tang. i scattered the streusel filling onto the batter, folded it with three bold strokes and poured the batter into the loaf pan. and i'm done. it's that easy.
the pound cake rose prettily and cracked down the middle, almost like a deliberate artistic show-off. and the cake was very nice. soft and moist, with streusel swirled throughout the cake.

chocolate mousse cake:

i helped weiyang a little in this; only separated eight bloody eggs. yes, most of it is his work. this is clear evidence that baking provides the simple pleasure which cannot be underestimated.
before weiyang got to doing this cake, he was whining about being tired and everything. but when he started melting his chocolate in jia en's amazing improvised double boiler, making a cold sabayon that 'forms and falls in ribbons when the whisk is lifted', and whisking up eight egg whites to soft peaks, he got so excited and proud that a whole bulk of the work was done by him, alone.
nigella has worked her magic: there's something about seeing such elemental change, that flour, butter, eggs, sugar could become this - and more, that you've brought it about - that's so satisfying. and can i just say, in her tone, how gorgeous the batter looked.
the cake and the mousse. well, nigella says that if you want a mousse, simply chill the batter. if you want a mousse cake, pop it in the oven. and since the amount of batter was insane, we managed to get a mousse cake for weiyang to bring back, and another tray of good, sweet, sticky mousse. i think, when paired with shortbread, it's divine.

apparently, weiyang's ladies say the mousse cake was damn good. still, he thinks that baking is harder than army work.

boston cream pie:

this was jia en's project. which looks like it's going to be a decadent piece of work. not easy too, this cake involved cooking up a crème pâtissière, though never as hard as a pastry cream or custard.

during the making of the ganache, i quoted nigella again. first, you can see it flecked and rippled, but sooner or later everything gives way to chocolate, which is, afterall, the natural order of things.
the victoria sponge which was done so slowly. believe me, i watched the making process. no one wins jia en. and she forgot the milk anyway. i'm waiting for her to assemble the cake and tell me the outcome tomorrow.

miscellaneous:

so, here's a happy mothers' day in advance to all mothers. i got offered the double degree at NUS. clearly, the interview was not taken into consideration. there can never be too much chocolate. you would think that with all the buzz today, images of things that were and things that have yet to come would stop surfacing in your mind.