the wet weather plan

it wasn't a very good day; i'm typing this in quite an awful mood. well, to be fair, the day started out fine. it was another beautiful day. who said we get so few of them? i went to syo camp at around the lunch break, then things started getting terrible.

i walked past the soccer boys and adriel said a very warming 'hello'. managed to practise with ruolin a few times today, and i'm really happy that ravel sounded quite good. hope everything goes well tomorrow. shirong was playing amelie, the piano and forrest gump on the piano. so nice!

tiapyang came at dinner time. and then i was wondering why he gave me death glares when i said 'hello'. then i saw him chatting happily with shanghui. well, maybe it's just me, and i'm sure james would agree.

the most awful, beyond awful, thing happened today. mr lim pseudo-scolded me for not hooking my thumb when plucking. actually, it was that one time i did hook my thumb on the fingerboard. but i supposed mr lim didn't like to be contradicted, and so i kept quiet about it. but i was really feeling very sad. you would have no idea how sad i was. i actually went to cry during the break. all the times i never hooked my thumb, he never said anything. and this rehearsal was the one that i set myself to actually make an effort to do it every time i was plucking. =( i even made a conscious effort to do it for bolero, until i got so tired of it.

i felt terrible, because i was already giving all my best to syo. if i didn't want to give my best, i wouldn't even have turned up for this rehearsal, given that my violin examination was tomorrow. just what holds us back from shouting at people who've upset us so much? is it fear? respect? or is it just the pain?

i give my best for many things that i think is worth my giving, but i feel as though i'm never appreciated for anything. but it's ok, everything will be ok. i'm leaving syo after this concert anyway.

atcl tomorrow. it's impossible to fail. and if i do, i shall have to cry again.