the best prize is a sur-prise!

yay happy teachers' day to all teachers!

had celebrations in school today. this year's programme is really good. it was the golden man award ceremony. so really funny!

but highlight of today was going to back to fmps! omg spent so much money on taxi, trying to rush back before the teachers all zao. and guess what? this year they have staff lunch until 1 plus, and the security guard said no entry until 1. hai so went to the dover market with kaiherng and edwin and don't-know-who. after walking around aimlessly for quite a while, went back to the bus stop to meet carmen.

so all of us went back to the market to eat this time. didn't eat because i didn't feel hungry yet. sat around that table and all of us made lame jokes and smart maths questions ;) at like 1230 went back to the bus stop again, and this time the gates were already opened.

yay went into the school, to the canteen. met mrs soh. omg so long already she couldn't remember me but she could remember my sister. then saw mrs yan!!! yay! (5 minutes of your recess!) hai remembered so many things that we used to do in her classes. saw mrs habeeb too. she almost couldn't tell between me and kaiherng. then bumped into joanne too.

then priscilla and weijian came. yay walked around the school taking photos. so happy today. hai but so many people had to go so early. muggers haha. then left me and kaiherng and carmen.

so we went to 7-eleven to buy newspapers to find out the cinema listings. argh the stupid shopkeeper just had to give a free copy of 'today' only after we bought 'the new paper'. anyway, then we went to jurong shaw cinema to watch willy wonka! omg so funny and touching!

ok so today was very eventful. hai but don't know when we'll see each other again.

얼마나 내가

it's been 446 days, 68 days already

one day's work

omg the golden man looked like the maid when he was under the red cloth. so freaky.

did esterification for chemistry today. yucks butanoic acid is so stink, much worse than ethanoic. and my esterification come out still so stink. it was supposed to smell like banana. the sarsi esters smelled quite nice. went for philosophy and the enriched class said all of us stank. the butanoic acid kind of fumed us all.

golden man was at the atrium during recess. he sang for the teachers who rang the bell beside him. so nice, he looked so golden. and lincoln had butanoic acid on his shirt. omg argh can't stand it. it smells really like shit, as in the real shit.

yay did so well for physics test. so happy. we didn't study ten year series and impact like crazay, thats mean we are really good!

and omg english oral. some person is just so extremely funny.

had a nice lunch with adrian and linus at pastamania. really ate a lot today. had garlic bread, clam chowder, ice lemon tea, carbonara, and strawberry bavarese. wow felt so full after that. but felt so guilty at the same time. so much fats that i just took in =(

went back to school for qse survey after that. don't want to be caught in awkward situations with you again. made me feel so sad. that survey was so lame, did it quickly in 10 minutes.

sigh the cut doesn't seem to be healing. looks like there'll be a scar. and why do i feel hungry again?

so scarry

argh have to go school tomorrow with my face cut up like this =(

anyway homerun is so touching

koka

no not good. late night carbos again =(

koka noodles and uht full cream milk. well done.

slim

being a mum can be quite a workout.

i was at the bus stop outside newton mrt station waiting for 171. there was a little boy who kept running from pillar to pillar at the bus stop. and his mum kept walking behind him. when he got to one pillar she said 'one', then when he ran to another one she said 'two', and when he ran back to the first one she said 'one'. then he ran behind me out of my sight. could hear the mum still counting. i think she reached seven.

a little child's life can be so full of fun? how i wish i could go back to 12 years ago.

glazunov is still very nice.

anyway my cut is not healed yet =( still so red and there's pus. i don't want to have a scar.

no face

sobs gonna be disfigured soon. got a big cut on my face today. so painful and ugly. did you laugh? so suddenly many people in class became nice to me.

watched rage concert today. it was nice but would be better if the audience would just shut up for like even 1 minute. bloody hell don't know who was behind me, kept talking and talking. maybe it's the design of the hall. like my conductor said, esplanade hall's design is such that the sound makes you feel like you are part of the performance, so that when you try to talk to the person beside you it feels like you are disturbing the performance, and so you don't talk. but some halls just don't do that. could hear plastic bags ruffling, and people yakking all the way.

so afraid that there'll be a scar.

schizophrenic shards of glass

this week is such a crazay week.
mrs ong wai ling

had three tests this week and so many quizzes. and just finished research education! yes finally feel so relaxed. but more assignments on the way. fuck.

and so another week is going to pass. and it's already week9. so next week's week10. and then we'll all be busy preparing for the final term's work, so busy that i'll probably forget about you. maybe that's a good thing. bingeing on carbos again =(

sobs

didn't know that you were feeling harassed

the end

term 3 is coming to an end.

then term 4 is going to start and end. there'll be higher chinese 'O' levels, and common tests. then we'll all leave ri. maybe some people wouldn't. but at least i know i will. perhaps i would be away from everyone, then everything will be ok.

i hope that you will be happy forever. and you will do well in your studies.

can't believe that 2 years are going to just pass like this.

and she slipped her foot into the shoe. and it was a perfect fit. and they lived happily ever after.

water

so physically and emotionally hurt today

reproduction

how apt, just when i was studying sexual reproduction for biology test, the hamster in the cage gave birth. made so much noise that i went to see what was happening.

but so cute! each one is so red and small. so fragile. and i saw the mother moving around the cage trying to bring back one lost baby, with one baby still half-inside her. so that's how the fragile little life has been brought here. and not just 2, but many!

put some food in for the overworked mother.

deficit

in need of ideas for this blog entry.

just like some people who are in need of lots of money.

maybe i'll talk about money then. have you heard shania twain's 'ka ching'? it's a song about this money world we live in. she sings about how we are taught to work very hard for money, then turn around to spend it foolishly.

'we've created a credit card mess' 'we spend the money that we don't possess'

hate those people who are so rich. those people who don't have to work for their money, because it just falls from the sky for them. so many things that i want but can't get even though i save so much.

my birthday's coming soon. a harp costs US$35000? hmm some people think that november is not so soon.

have you also watched shyamalan's 'the village'? it tells about a community that moved deep into a forest to run away from the society they lived in. simply because of money. money made the people in the society kill each other. will something like that ever happen?

lost dreams

made a flower out of blu-tack on a wall outside rjc's block K.

nice memories that are lost don't seem to come back, but some memories which i want to lose don't seem to be lost easily. so late now, but some animals just don't sleep. listening to the hamster exercise on the spinning thing. it keeps doing that every night. so loud and noisy. will everything i hold dear fade away too?

seems like i'm just waiting for the end of year to come, then perhaps i would be able to forget you forever. i hate you so much. but i hope that you will be happy forever, because i will always make a wish under the moon. and if the moon doesn't appear, i'll blow away the clouds. always keeping my wishes for everyone. always wishing for the same. that you'll be happy. that you'll find many friends. that no one will bully you.

perhaps it's always the desire to get that cuddly kind of love. like the kind that little children hug their soft toys with. so sweet and mild. just to lie in the arms of someone. just to rest your head on the shoulder.

maybe it's time to retrace my footsteps again. perhaps i would regain the sweet memories, enough to forget the bad ones. flipping through my italy album again. taking a walk through the venetian streets again. screaming when the dog barked. having dinner under the orange trees again. hearing your voice in the darkness again. luini panzerotti and panino con lampredotti. trying to take photos of the horse time and again. but mr milan comes to block my camera. and i have quite a few photos of his hand.

my shoe @ my space. it's been a long time. 436 days, 58 days already.

sitting in front of the screen day after day waiting for you.

still having dreams of a little house on the hill of a countryside. where flowers bloom. where birds sing. where the sun rises and sets quietly. is this a very cinderella dream? where i shout it from the highest hill. even telling the daffodil.

and it's still exercising on the spinning thing.

going to paste many photos onto my wall soon. many many photos to constantly remind myself that i've been through those things. many many photos to make sure i don't lose my memories. because the camera captured more than just images. it captured sounds. it captured you, even though you're not really in it. but at least you're there.

it was just chocolates that i tried to give you. but you closed the door. smashed everything away for me. sometimes seeing you with your friends gives many mixed feelings. perhaps it's the sadness that i'll never be part of the circle. perhaps it's the joy to see that you are happy without me in that circle.

building a big castle on the hill to live there. alone. maybe the birds will come to stay. but maybe they'll fly away again. nothing really ever stays. will you stay long enough and fill up that void inside? will you even pass by?

i think it's sleeping now. shhh

只愛一點的話

wavey wavey

it's so nice to wave at you!

going to watch rage concert tomorrow. my first time watching. hmm this year is full of firsts. don't know how to go to hdb hub leh.

falling in love with glazunov! not the soloist hor

persistence of memory

library activities room's toilet's wall has this picture called 'persistence of memory' by salvador dali.

some things just don't seem to go away, do they? maybe another 1000 days and i'll forget everything.

el oh vee ee

what's that?

where to get it?

keep dreaming about that night in italy.

里程碑

today marks the second year you have left. so many questions to ask you but never really did. is it nice there? are you happy? do you have a lot of friends now? i still don't. are your studies good? will you get into a nice university? when will you come back?

i hate you and your friends. i hate it when all of you gang up together to hurt me. i hated the contact. please don't think that while you hated it (fuck!), i loved it a lot. because i don't. because it made me feel even worse.

zhaoying you fucker.

why do people laugh when someone else is being bullied? it's so scary how some people act. don't you even care about what you say? if it makes you happy when you hurt someone else, then you are really sick.

binge

ouch

why does it feel so good when you eat and eat and forget everything bad? but it feels even more crappy after you stop eating.

ben and jerry's chubby hubby

in this urbanised place

sometimes you should try going to places which you used to go like five or six years ago. today is the first time in like five years i walked through the back alleys at my old house at tiong bahru. it kind of gives an entirely new meaning to 'walking down memory lane', because you don't just start remembering things in the past, but you can also regain some feelings that you've lost for so long.

first was the big carpark. my old house was an apartment in the old flats of tiong bahru. those four-storey ones. and my block 78 was a u-shaped block, like a horseshoe. so in the horsehoe is the carpark. i remember i used to do skipping there. and when there were cars coming in i had to stop and move aside first. sometimes i also skip-run around the carpark. then i also used to play badminton with my sister there. and the shuttlecock always dropped into the stinky drain. then every year during midautumn festival all the neighbours and the children will be down there and we would take our lanterns and walk around the carpark in the dark and out to the roads. i remember my colourful cellophane fish lantern and my sister's was a squirrel. and there was once when i saw this paper box in the carpark and inside were a few kittens. and once i brought a bowl of milk down for a stray cat.

in the middle of the bend in the horseshoe block was an opening for cars to enter and leave. i remember the coffeeshop that was situated just at the opening. and how i sometimes came down by myself to buy meepok bu4 yao4 la4. and there was once i almost ordered the horrible meesua. and then there was one other store that sold rice and dishes. and i remember once i had a nice chicken wing. and supposedly they sold the chicken wing only on certain days. so once in a while i would try to see if i could get it, but until today i never got to eat it again.

down the back alleys was first the tiong bahru community centre. i remembered the earthworms that crawled at the base of the walls. and my first day at kindergarten. kindergarten classes were held at the community centre. and on the first day, i remember i cried and cried when my mother had to leave me in the classroom with so many unfamiliar faces. maybe that was the very first time i had to not be able to see my mother completely. maybe that was why i cried. then there was madam sim, my kindergarten teacher. can't remember much about her now, but there was one spelling test- my very first one - that i did like so badly. i only got one out of three right. and i remember the cooking lesson and drawing lessons i had in the community centre.

further down the back alleys was the coffee auntie's house. i remember sometimes i would be with my mother and she would go to the coffee auntie's house to buy coffee powder. then further down is this house that had a 'beware of dog' sign outside. there used to be a very scary dog that barked so ferociously when i was walking back home after violin lesson. then there was also this restauratn called 'por kee'. sounded like the porky fromt he bookworm thing. this restaurant has very nice butter prawn and sweet-and-sour pork. further down were some workshops that worked on rubber stuff. and around this area there's always this oily smell. don't know whether it's from these workshops or from the bak kut teh store nearby.

out of the back alleys, across the road, was another block of flats. at the corner was the egg store. i remember my mother used to buy eggs from there. there was grade 'a' to grade 'c' eggs. and they were graded by size. and my mother used to buy the big ones like one crate for $4.50. they also sold quail eggs. the small and high-cholesterol ones. beside the egg store was the snack store. i remember every week after my violin lesson, on the way home, i would by the yan yan biscuit with chocolate dip thing. last time it was quite big, but now the box looks very small. maybe it's because i'm so much bigger now.

after the stores, was the pathway down to the bus stop. i used to walk there every morning to take bus 33 to fairfield methodist primary school. can still remember having to wait so very long for that one bus. the old bus stop was the lousy shelter thing like the old old ones. i remember the big red ants that climbed the poles of the bus stop. but now the bus stop is like the new ones, the red pillar ones. on the right of the bus stop was 'sin hoi sai eating house'. this restaurant used to be flooded with a lot of people every saturday and sunday evening. supposed to be very famous for the black pepper crab, but i never tried before. there was once early in the morning when i saw chen liping filming outside the restaurant. she was filming the 'my mother-in-law is a witch' tv serial. the one in which she was ba1 ba1 la1 the witch. didn't get her autograph.

so today i walked so far, and took a bus from the bus stop and went home. in this urbanised place, are we all losing our memories of the past too quickly? next time i'll go to other places to get back more memories and feelings. everything that i've lost but don't even know that i've lost.

avant garde

today's english common class test is difficult like SIAO la...

and today's concert @ rjc was so suck =( argh.... i think no one really understood bartok. me neither. it sounds nicer on cd. the hall at rjc didn't allow me to hear things from the other side of the orchestra. aRGH~!

anyways so tired le

are you crazay?

so he doesn't know what to do for maths homework? jump down lor

freak

stupid virus that keeps coming back even though i've deleted it. help!

reach out for the skies

well that's what i had to do to see the fireworks from my window. stretched quite a bit out of my window to catch a glimpse of the fireworks. hey scary you know 12th storey leh...

but it was so nice. so colourful.

if only you were beside me too

for the love of

happy national day

so bored now.

shopping? maybe not. probably going to go walk into citylink mall and bump into the big crowds and feel lonely anyway...

so what are you doing now? outside with your other one? have fun then

hope you get knocked down by a car

suck like shit lah

all of you

hungwen
teckming

suck lah

hate you forever

keep bullying me

star gazer

真实

just found out today that many people who appear nice to me are not so nice at all

you guys should go for dramafeste, you might just win the best actor award together

busketing

yay went busking today!

we were outside shaw house. didn't play too badly, just that we couldn't get people to stay for a long time. then the stupid sun just had to make its appearance and force us to the corner of the junction where no one bothered to stop and listen. and the stupid cars were so noisy.

but anyways had fun playing. hmm didn't see walter's band at wheelock leh =(

then saw kaiyang singing his heart out under the hot sun outside the mrt exit.

hai so tired now...

tired

does a glass shoe remain flawless even though it's been used so many times?

so tired now. day after day i just come to school and see you and feel so sad. day after day i'm just doing my homework and showing my teachers that i've done them. want to talk to you but you just walk away every time. seeing you around your friends talking and laughing makes me feel even more tired. trying so hard to get past each day, but just get hurt by you more and more.

shoes are meant to protect from wearing out, not meant to be protected from wearing out.

edward de cruz

when will it go away?

busking tomorrow outside shaw centre. please donate money.

命运

why do i keep bumping into you?

why do i still see you even outside school?

dots

just realised that i didn't break my record when i ran for dr tan. because ri cross country was 4.8 km. so running 10 rounds was only 4km. shites

sex

is supposed to be emotionally satisfying for your partner.

practise safe sex. go fcuk yourself.