今晚的心痛,明早的心淡

it's the saturday after the common tests and everyone's so sleazy now. at least i made it through a week of school without seeing or hearing from you. there's so much i want to tell you, but i'm supposed to take an emotional break and make it easier for the both of us right? can a person die of a heartache? slapped and pinched myself.

对我不理不睬,不会让我对你心淡,只会让我更心痛。

bifurcate

yay i'm finally done with common test 2. the physics paper was quite ok except the long question that was so tiring to do. by the end of the week my energy is just sucked dry already.

went off with amanda and wulei to meet ruolin and then went to register for sunday's milk run. omg the weather has been so hot today! it's like global warming is unstoppable now. i need more and more air-conditioning.

lunch was at the tiong bahru market. so fun! i haven't been there in a long time. but auntie and i had this super weird-looking and weird-tasting fish and chips that came on such a big round plate. and amanda had shark nugget. omg 什么来的!

some part of the afternoon was spent sitting down at my house to cool down. haha we played pachelbel canon again and again. i think it's the first time my viola was being used since the piano ensemble concert.

omg syo is playing nice pieces for the july concert. i slept from 3 to 6! don't think i can wake up for school from next week onwards. oh i lit up the stove manually today because there was no fire and it was so scary; like, boom, totally.

i thought the little mermaid only waited forever for her prince, but she actually effervesced.

dasher

is it a crime to be lazing around before the physics common test? but i really don't feel like looking through quantum physics 2 even though i can't remember the formula for quantum tunnelling =(

pause

i had a nightmare last night =( i dreamt of slippers that moved by themselves, and a disembodied hand.

today's maths paper was so hard but so fun. omg there were so many that i couldn't do that i finished the last question like 45 minutes early. and then i tried and tried and tried and some question just pissed me off. but i'm so amazed i managed to solve the locus question even though i think i wrote the wrong answer. probably got lots of working marks there yay. i must reiterate that i love maths.

i saw a stray dog. come to think of it, the last time i saw one was in malaysia, and that was so long ago. i like stray dogs more than stray cats.

negative energies

i realised that i lost the england flag in my file. last night there was a great big storm, and we all cried buckets, didn't we? this morning the storm was over but the sky was not clear.

the chemistry paper is diffcult like shit. paper 1 was even more difficult than paper 3, and shanghui couldn't be more sympathetic. luckily i memorised all the equations in periodicity and managed to fill in lots of the last question in paper 2. you will remember that chromate(VI) is not dichromate(VI)!

i spent $6.50 on food =( i am under pressure to score full marks for maths and make up for the lousy chemistry paper.

talking to myself is lonesome. listening to me talking to myself is lonesome too.

krispy kreme

someday i'll create donuts nice like these and pack them in a box that doesn't look like st magaret's uniform.

ijk

yay i'm done with geography. it was a gloomy day; i think i was the only person who was using an umbrella in the drizzle. at first, i was all tensed up about the economic geography essay question, but i think that was easier than the data response questions.

i don't want to go back to school. not like i can get to see you anymore. you're so mean, just like every other guy.

accordion

i got the knotted feeling in my stomach now; school starts tomorrow =( i think this holidays may have been one of the best ones. just wish i could tell you all about it. oh the rise people are back from NY (and carnegie!). if i could go, i would get to see joel.

alberti

omg last night so was so fun. interestingly enough, davidson went to changi to study too. omg is it common that people actually study overnight outside? while eating mcdonald's i finished graph theory and periodicity. the air-conditioning was so super cold. stupid weiyang didn't tell me to bring jacket.

i'm surprised that T2 was lifeless at 3am; i always thought the airport operated 24 hours! then T2 had such a lousy viewing mall that we went over to T1. but damn the skytrain was not operating =( we had to walk through such darkness and abyss to get to T2, which had a nicer viewing mall but uglier building interior.

oh but we didn't see any planes flying off. but the lights were nice. i realised i lost a ruler after a while =(

i like it when the sky train comes in and the headlights shine through the frosted windows. i also like to come out into the brightness after boarding the train in darkness and travelling through endless tunnels.

countervail

i've forgotten my timetable already =( last night i dreamt of a tornado. it wasdark and snaky; it was moving through the streets. and round the tall black buildings. so scary, but quite exciting. we kept running around to avoid it. i'm not ashamed that you were beside me in the dream.

this is so exciting i'm going to be out the entire night.

oompa loompa

i've lost the motivation to study for economic geography and h3 maths. but i practised some graph theory today. bah.

slap left. slap right. slap left. slap right. slap left. slap right. slap right. slap right. slap right. slap left. slap right. slap left. slap left. slept.

春天分手秋天會習慣

i'm so tired today. just felt like sleeping. do you hate me now? but i couldn't possibly stop loving you. one can't just say 'don't worry, love won't last', and expect everything to be over. one can't just say that the burden has been put down and that 'one feels light', and expect the other to feel the same. it's just not going to be.
in this city that's so small compared to the world but so big compared to you, you can really feel very tiny in the world. but all it takes is some naïveté to believe in a world that revolves around you. in such a world the wind blows not because not because it moves across the earth's surface, but because it moves with respect to you; it is static with respect to the earth.

now i just want to make some crème brûlée.

adiabatic

this is about the midnight storm. i sat by the windows and watched as the sky turned orange. the lightning and thunder came. wind started to pick up some speed, and i could smell the rain coming. then the raindrops fall, and they became so numerous. i didn't want to reach out and close the windows because i'm afraid that the lightning will strike my hand. in the dark, when i look out into the scene, all the streetlights are an orange blur, but an occasional flash of lightning will illuminate everything so clearly.

i'm quite worried that the computer will suddenly blackout after a lightning flashes.

will harry potter die?

i had a rough night, and an even noisier morning. woke up at 12pm.

went to amanda's house and settled climatology yay. read through the entire stack and wrote outlines for all the essay questions! had roti john for dinner. omg it came with spicy jam! spicy jam! i bought the famous goreng pisang; omg so fatty =(

i was on a non-air-conditioned bus home and it was a gloomy evening. when i'm alone i start to think of you, and how nice it could be if i hadn't told you the secret. did our lines accidentally get through today?

with shanghui's help, i've finished all the maths questions in the revision paper. it wasn't so hard after all.

this is so gay, but the music from 01:00 onwards is so nice.

cease the day

yet another guy comes to the house for my sister. i'm beginning to think that whenever she's sick, she makes use of the chance to invite a guy over to take care of her. then she'll feint weakness and lie in bed while the guy sits beside her until she falls asleep. it's a ploy!

i got a new mouse today. and the moon was so pretty tonight. the truth is, i miss you and i'm heartbroken.

nina

i dreamt of seeing five rainbows in the sky. but they weren't perfect archs. they were like short snippets clustered together.

ate at thai express for dinner. i've been trying to fill in the personal profile thing the whole day. one of the questions asks for my dreams, aspirations and ambitions. i don't know what to write i don't know what to write! but i'm thinking that i will do unpaid work in the future. someone else will support me.

i must not miss ugly betty tonight.

你與我其實熟得很,但他總比較親。

macroconcept: change

the weather has turned so cold suddenly. i opened the windows in my bedroom completely to let the fresh air flow through the room. maybe bring in some fluffy clouds too, with some prancing winged-horses.

my whole family is christian now. mummy said that she would die before me, and she wanted to be sure that when i died we would be able to find each other still. but why is everyone so sure that they'll go to heaven?

the plot of land at jalan membina some seven years ago was an old unwanted field with a derelict block. so tell me why five years after the new estate was built the flat i'm living in is worth so much now.

shawl

it's a gloomy day again =( i finally finished reading population geography. now there's geomorphology, hydrology, climatology, economic geography, urban geography, combinatorics, graph theory and plane geometry to do.

morgensturm

i woke up at 1pm and spent almost two hours sweeping and mopping the floor. 黄金年华 is such a dumb variety programme that i ended up watching. so, today i learnt how to make chilli crab. this is so sad.

cheque-book

i'm so sick of watching desperate housewives over and over again. just because i don't want to sleep. when i go crazy enough i will knock my head repeatedly on the wall and slap myself and cry until blood flows from my eyes. i like the music with the accordion, piano, vibraphone and double bass. it has such a late-night-moody feel; so sleazy and seductive. now i'm thinking that i won't have enough time to complete revision for geography.

water colour

today i went back to the old house. so much has changed. the shops opposite are different now. and the mansion on the hill at chay yan street is demolished; something else is being built. i don't know how long i haven't been to the old house.

i tried playing minami on the old piano. three keys don't work properly. then i tried playing brahms' sonata on the cello, which has some mould.

met with amanda to get back my population geography book which i left at her house yesterday. we went to pearl's centre trying to find a portable radio, but found a dessert shop instead. there was a mango sago thing. i can't remember what 许留山 tastes like.

went to vivocity to find the portable radio. omg i realised that when weiyang bought the korean chicken thing, he bathed it in the mayonnaise and sauce himself! the portable radio was found at challenger! omg so classy-looking.

we went out to the open areas and amanda played viola outside! i studied population geography. some days i just need to be out of the house, in the wind (and the inevitable cigarette smoke).

i knew someone who referred to 'brown' as 'cocoa'. he also taught me how water colours were supposed to be used.

speed date

the metal seats at the mrt got lowered. they probably realised it's impracticality. but where did all the money come from? the money to build, remove, modify, and replace the things. whose money?

there were four people on a bridge counting the vehicles that passed under.

last night i dreamt of playing holberg suite. it was funky, but everyone didn't come in properly at the start. and we were all laughing.

went to amanda's house to do work. so fun. wulei was there also. tried some nice goreng pisang. went with amanda to watch chenjie's dvořák. yay i think ours was nicer =) after the concert we were searching up and down for a food place, at 9pm. omg in the end we went for fatty pasta.

i wish i could tell them.

流汗

it's a rainy and gloomy morning. come to think of it, i can't remember when it last rained.

every storm brings with it hope, that somehow by morning everything will be made clean again. and even the most troubling stains will have disappeared. like the doubts over his innocence, or the consequence of his mistake. like the scars of his betrayal, or the memory of his kiss. so we wait for the storm to pass, hoping for the best, even though we know in our hearts some stains are so indelible nothing can wash them away.

yes, life is full of surprises.

it's already the third week of holidays =( i think i'm still on task because i've finished every revision paper for the sciences, which means i'm left with two weeks for geography, which is a lot yay =)

deliquescent

i queued for donuts for 2h45mins today =( i was reading time and newsweek magazines. i think queue-cutters should expect to go to hell soon. studied with amanda at esplanade library. some interesting guy beside me was reading chinese and drinking juice from the carton. i completed the physics paper and re-did some maths questions. ate five donuts for lunch/dinner. today's the first time i didn't buy donuts for you.

haiku, by someone, on durians:
you are so thorny,
but you don't make me horny;
i know that's corny.

PT

it's been a few late nights/early mornings. two nights ago i was doing chemistry until past 4am. and my sister brought home a guy to look at hamsters. last night i woke up at 2:45 am and ate. ate three oreos, two butter cookies, one croissant, one 72% chocolate bar, and drank one packet of milo. because i hated myself for a while.

postsecret refuses to update.

save the world

omg the 2005 chemistry paper is so difficult. and boonping's maths integration questions are even harder. but i even found the answer on google and learnt a special technique.

last night i had an adventure dream.

lag

it is 2:06 am now. i miss you terribly and you're so far away. my mind is still very clear; i can do r-formula. omg i really can still remember r-formula. must tell mrs chan. must also do chemistry papers now. oh clara's back too!

submit

omg today spent $8 on food that doesn't even come close to making me full. i also go myself stuck on the fourth level of j8. i walked past the mural in school and remembered how everything was painted.

weiyang treated us to ben and jerry's =)

old records

13th april 2007, 29th april 2007, 7th june 2007; saw the same familiar face. went walking at chinatown with my parents and found a nice chicken rice place. at OG, the music that was playing overhead was the same one that jeffrey danced to at the reversathon.

i've completed the third drawing. and it's perfect.

chubby

my knee has started to produce pus =(

i finished the second piece of drawing last night, but i really cannot draw the face nicely. cannot capture the look exactly. but then amanda says that's what makes us human. otherwise, we can just photocopy the photo with our hands.

美少年之恋

this 1998 movie is probably r21 by singapore's standards today.

yoyo

there

and back again.

font

two nights ago my sister's friend's friend flew from australia and stopped over in singapore, and so we got krispy kreme donuts.

yesterday was the class chalet. we went cycling and playing at the park. there was a spinning wheel. and swings. i loved the swings. but weiyang kicked sand into me while playing on the swing. i fell from the bicycle on the return trip, and now my palms are scratched, and my knee is bruised.

the bbq was quite nice. the fish was super nice. i over-melted the marshmallow in the banana and it became like water. sonya melted some marshmallow onto one of yihui's muffins and it looked so pretty.

didn't sleep last night. they played bluff and i foiled toffa once. they were all playing against beejuan. everyone was telling ghost stories. and then they were playing i've never. everyone just lay on the mattress downstairs and talked for the whole night, till the sun rose.

in the morning, everyone was running around while some of us fell asleep. weiyang and i used the beds upstairs and it was so nice. but it was so cold i went downstairs to sleep. then they went to play pool after checking out.

i slept on the train home and woke up only at commonwealth. this is probably my punishment for something i did in my previous life.

$13 for some hope. and i really miss you.

pretentious

just came back from a dinner which probably cost $300 per head. but i didn't have to pay. it's some relative's 80th birthday. there were lots of suckling pig, sharks' fin, fish, scallop, prawn, crab and hashima.

i still hope not to live past 35; don't want to grow old.

tritone

today i disappointed my violin teacher and myself.

i often wonder what it would be like if i never told you. maybe i would always be happy, but you would feel burdened, right? i cried on the night i told you, and then i cried the next night, and then i was ok for a while. but today i cried again.

i miss you.

喉嚨疲倦

today i went to esplanade and sat down to draw. there was a nice smell coming from häagen-dazs or mrs fields as i walked past. studied with amanda also, on maths. i think i saw terry from wesley, but he also didn't recognise me.

i felt like an artist today.

dinner was the bbq at sonya's house. and there were lots of chocolates too! but i ate only one piece of cucumber. it's the only vegetable i ate today. and monday's the class bbq again, which is going to put me closer to cancer than ever.

suppose i live till 35, then i've completed about half my life already. this chest is a boobie trap.

disconsolate

it threatened to rain when i was finishing my maths revision worksheet, but then it became bright and sunny. everyone's flying off everywhere this holidays, but i'm still stuck in singapore. it's already the end of the week; need to start revision on everything else =(

this is also the 1000th entry on my shoe @ my space.

i think i saw john from wesley, but i don't think he recognised me. twin regency looks so pretty at night.

joy

我的愛

繞著山路 走得累了
去留片刻 要如何取捨
去年撿的 美麗貝殼
心不透徹 不會懂多難得

以為 只要簡單地生活
就能平息了脈搏 卻忘了在逃什麼

我的愛 明明還在
轉身了才明白
該把幸福 找回來
而不是各自緬懷
我會在沿海地帶 等著潮汐更改 送你回來

你走路姿態 微笑的神態
潛意識中錯過了真愛

以為 只要簡單地生活
就能平息了脈搏 卻忘了在逃什麼

我的愛 明明還在
轉身了才明白
該把幸福 找回來
而不是各自緬懷
我會在沿海地帶 等著潮汐更改 送你回來

你走路姿態 微笑的神態
潛意識中錯過了真愛

莫非這是上天 善意的安排
好讓心更堅定 彼此更接近 真愛

我的愛 明明還在
轉身了才明白
該把幸福找回來
而不是各自緬懷
我會在沿海地帶 等著潮汐更改 學著忍耐

不再怕傷害 不再怕期待
潛意識那才是我真愛

你走路姿態 微笑的神態
潛意識那才是我真愛

houston

i stayed up so that i didn't have to sleep.