lost dreams
made a flower out of blu-tack on a wall outside rjc's block K.
nice memories that are lost don't seem to come back, but some memories which i want to lose don't seem to be lost easily. so late now, but some animals just don't sleep. listening to the hamster exercise on the spinning thing. it keeps doing that every night. so loud and noisy. will everything i hold dear fade away too?
seems like i'm just waiting for the end of year to come, then perhaps i would be able to forget you forever. i hate you so much. but i hope that you will be happy forever, because i will always make a wish under the moon. and if the moon doesn't appear, i'll blow away the clouds. always keeping my wishes for everyone. always wishing for the same. that you'll be happy. that you'll find many friends. that no one will bully you.
perhaps it's always the desire to get that cuddly kind of love. like the kind that little children hug their soft toys with. so sweet and mild. just to lie in the arms of someone. just to rest your head on the shoulder.
maybe it's time to retrace my footsteps again. perhaps i would regain the sweet memories, enough to forget the bad ones. flipping through my italy album again. taking a walk through the venetian streets again. screaming when the dog barked. having dinner under the orange trees again. hearing your voice in the darkness again. luini panzerotti and panino con lampredotti. trying to take photos of the horse time and again. but mr milan comes to block my camera. and i have quite a few photos of his hand.
my shoe @ my space. it's been a long time. 436 days, 58 days already.
sitting in front of the screen day after day waiting for you.
still having dreams of a little house on the hill of a countryside. where flowers bloom. where birds sing. where the sun rises and sets quietly. is this a very cinderella dream? where i shout it from the highest hill. even telling the daffodil.
and it's still exercising on the spinning thing.
going to paste many photos onto my wall soon. many many photos to constantly remind myself that i've been through those things. many many photos to make sure i don't lose my memories. because the camera captured more than just images. it captured sounds. it captured you, even though you're not really in it. but at least you're there.
it was just chocolates that i tried to give you. but you closed the door. smashed everything away for me. sometimes seeing you with your friends gives many mixed feelings. perhaps it's the sadness that i'll never be part of the circle. perhaps it's the joy to see that you are happy without me in that circle.
building a big castle on the hill to live there. alone. maybe the birds will come to stay. but maybe they'll fly away again. nothing really ever stays. will you stay long enough and fill up that void inside? will you even pass by?
i think it's sleeping now. shhh
只愛一點的話
nice memories that are lost don't seem to come back, but some memories which i want to lose don't seem to be lost easily. so late now, but some animals just don't sleep. listening to the hamster exercise on the spinning thing. it keeps doing that every night. so loud and noisy. will everything i hold dear fade away too?
seems like i'm just waiting for the end of year to come, then perhaps i would be able to forget you forever. i hate you so much. but i hope that you will be happy forever, because i will always make a wish under the moon. and if the moon doesn't appear, i'll blow away the clouds. always keeping my wishes for everyone. always wishing for the same. that you'll be happy. that you'll find many friends. that no one will bully you.
perhaps it's always the desire to get that cuddly kind of love. like the kind that little children hug their soft toys with. so sweet and mild. just to lie in the arms of someone. just to rest your head on the shoulder.
maybe it's time to retrace my footsteps again. perhaps i would regain the sweet memories, enough to forget the bad ones. flipping through my italy album again. taking a walk through the venetian streets again. screaming when the dog barked. having dinner under the orange trees again. hearing your voice in the darkness again. luini panzerotti and panino con lampredotti. trying to take photos of the horse time and again. but mr milan comes to block my camera. and i have quite a few photos of his hand.
my shoe @ my space. it's been a long time. 436 days, 58 days already.
sitting in front of the screen day after day waiting for you.
still having dreams of a little house on the hill of a countryside. where flowers bloom. where birds sing. where the sun rises and sets quietly. is this a very cinderella dream? where i shout it from the highest hill. even telling the daffodil.
and it's still exercising on the spinning thing.
going to paste many photos onto my wall soon. many many photos to constantly remind myself that i've been through those things. many many photos to make sure i don't lose my memories. because the camera captured more than just images. it captured sounds. it captured you, even though you're not really in it. but at least you're there.
it was just chocolates that i tried to give you. but you closed the door. smashed everything away for me. sometimes seeing you with your friends gives many mixed feelings. perhaps it's the sadness that i'll never be part of the circle. perhaps it's the joy to see that you are happy without me in that circle.
building a big castle on the hill to live there. alone. maybe the birds will come to stay. but maybe they'll fly away again. nothing really ever stays. will you stay long enough and fill up that void inside? will you even pass by?
i think it's sleeping now. shhh
只愛一點的話
posted by ivan at 12:52 AM
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