phobia

apparently some people already know their orientation group for rjc next year. and apparently i still don't know. maybe i'm going to be left out again. used to it since it happens most of the time anyway. but still scared of it.

nutrisse

i've finally dyed my hair black. and garnier is so nice. smells so sweet like fruits.

2005 is coming to an end. well, i'm quite happy with that. that means i'm going to forget everything that has happened this year. in fact, forget everything that has happened for the past four years. i'm going to move on to rjc. most importantly, i'm going to forget you. and everything you have done. then all i'll remember is that it has been a good year.

fireworks tonight? esplanade!

maybe i'll write a secret message on a paper. roll it up. slip it into a glass bottle. cap the bottle. drop it into the sea. and hope against hope that you'll pick it up someday.

vocabulary test

still remember once i was at holland village's kfc with desmond and caleb doing the vocabulary exercise book. so many years ago. and caleb will always get almost everything right. anyway here's a list of words i learnt this holiday.

espionage, enchilada, soliloquy, faux pas, ventriloquist, benefaction, confrere, harbinger, presage, passe, quintessence, gung-ho, tirade, coup de grâce, quid pro quo, obtuse, depravity, obnoxious, hilt, diabolic, impasse, recalcitrant, sobriquet, volition, quiddity, grassroots, furor, cul-de-sac, introspective, scour, vainglory, emaciation, querulous, masochist, acolyte, contraband, tardiness, retrospect, firmament, nonchalance, appraising, insidious, chasm, travesty, understatement, cretin, vertigo, predicament, surreptitious, epitome, careening, narcissist, sub rosa, candor, delirious, albeit, vestiges, crestfallen, woebegone, farce, pronto, precarious, digerati, apposite, veneer, ingenue, kamikaze, transient, pervasive, frolicking, elude, inexorable, nonplussed, forlorn, extradite, idiosyncrasy, paralegal, allegory, vociferous, deprecate, punitive, ad verbatim, sire, acquiesced, reverie, jollification, solace, ineluctable, colloquial, platonic, rancour, cynosure, ectoplasmic, hedonist, conceit

miss, carry

it's ok. everything's going to be just fine.

you've been hurt. so you just cry.

crystal gaze

coloured contact lenses are so cool. especially amethyst. so tempted to do amethyst, but that would be too obvious a change, wouldn't it? going to settle for grey, though. violet's too seductive.

amethyst is supposed to heal, and bring protection and clarity of mind.

synonymous

the heart of the matter

from the bottom of my heart

from the heart of my bottom

the matter of the heart

superficiality

oh no i'm becoming superficial!

escape

i used to have loads of scores to settle with people, when i was the rise librarian.

i've been reading the partner by john grisham. it's about a lawyer who faked his death, stole ninety million dollars from his firm, and ran for his life. amazing, isn't it? to run away completely from his past. but alas, his past caught up with him. well, at least he tried to, and was in fact successful in abandoning one life to pick up another.

i'm running away from a past, too. so you would do well to stop talking to me and stay away.

melodrama

i should probably pick up c. s. lewis' chronicles of narnia one of these days to read. never got past the first chapter of the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe.

oh, i had a nightmare. i dreamt that i didn't get my subject combination.

confound

he thought for a moment, and then answered simply, "light-headed."

"oh." he pondered. "from what? head rush?"

"no."

"lack of sleep?"

"no."

"alcohol, then?"

"no." he shook his head. "you."

befuddle

and so it was. a mistake. a damn bloody mistake. you're deliberately being obtuse. and i hate it. you snatched me away from a life i was comfortable with, or at least used to. and you spun me round and round, confused me completely. then you left me as though nothing ever really did happen. but i was lost. and i lost.

qwertyuiop

what does it take to make a marriage last 10 years? 25? 50? 75? well, for 75, both parties have got to survive that 75 years. considering that they would probably be married at 25, that means both of them have to live to 100. however, this should be easy enough. given the medical advancement now, we can have longer life expectancy.

but there must be something else, right?

fest

been reading too much fanfiction lately. anyway, photos for christmas!

sunsets are awfully sad. they're beautiful, but so transient. and in a blaze of glory they're gone, and it's dark everywhere.

sunrises are lovely too - maybe not as dramatic and fiery, but then things just keep getting brighter, and well, it's a nice feeling.

this gingerbread house is simply asking for it.

and the usual.

whee

went to watch the magic of love show in the afternoon. by lawrence and priscilla khong. so nice. and so touching.

silent night, holy night.

having a binge on cream cake now! just went for dinner and candlelight service at jubilee. dinner was quite nice. the prawns were hard work ok, have to de-shell them myself, and still try to lok civilised in front of everyone i don't know. koped back so many of the coloured tealights, as i did last year!

all is calm, all is bright.

big hugs! christmas is here. i made a wish that you would be happy. and i smiled. smiled into the candlelight. wish that your next year will be blessed and you will be very happy. i guess after all, that's what love really is.

sleep in heavenly peace.

muacks! the hamsters are making so much noise now. hai they don't really sleep, do they? maybe the festive mood got into them.

happy christmas.

pang

fish and co's coriander spaghetti is quite quite horrible. it's so full of green and oil. anyway, attended the candlelight service at wesley today. had my first christmas candy stick, you know the one that is bent like a walking stick, and with red and white stripes? took me more than one hour to finish it.

do you like sunrises or sunsets?

advent

'drunk' and 'stupid' are two conditions that often come together. preceded by 'sorrow', and finally ending in 'hangover'.

guilt, horror, and regret.

christmas is round the corner. what are you going to wish for?

tirade parade

i'm genuinely afraid of what's coming next year. the fact that i don't know what to expect greatly unsettles me. who's happily anticipating the start of next year? or are you just happy because you finally get within proximity of the opposite sex?

and we act as though nothing's happened. and now i wait. sorry, but there's a part of me that desperately wants it.

it's just like a love potion that backfired. a deliciously devious twist. just a potion to satisfy the dark obsession. a possession that ceased to exist the moment true love stepped in. and you just vanished into thin air.

if i've come so far, i should be able to go on further. right?

beguine

watched narnia with lizheng today. the white witch is so pretty, yet so evil! some parts of the story i don't really understand. she seemed to realise something just before aslan killed her. lucy was so sweet. and peter so cute haha.

then we went to ben and jerry's. omg spent $8 on two scoops of ice cream, hot fudge, loads of whip cream, and sprinkles! dublin mudslide and phish food. omg so sinful, but so heavenly. so completely melted...

warped

this is crazy. and you know that.

don't stop.

amen

sorry, but it hurts so much i had to let it out.

it's a money world

it's scary, isn't it? the way you can keep convincing yourself that tomorrow you'll spend less. and you realise your wallet has no money, so you go to the atm, assuring yourself that your debit card is for 'emergency money', and that you won't need to keep withdrawing from it everyday. but then it never really is the case. you just keep drawing money out of your bank until it's quite dried.

then again, rich people can never understand the feeling you get when your bank account slowly becomes non-existent while your dustbin fills up with receipts enough to drown a fish.

bizarre bazaar

holidays are ending soon. big sigh. went to look for laptops with my auntie today. some shopkeepers have really bad service.

dripping with sarcasm

black and silver is the perfect combination. two exact opposites. one ever-abosrbing, the other ever-radiant. they blend on an elemental realm, but still manage to strike a vivid contrast. just like romance. where two exact opposites come together so close.

crimson red. the colour of anger. pain. passion. the colour of love. love, which summated all of these. and much, much more. the colour of blood. torture. pure torture, and such fierce, helpless regret that pours out.

if black and silver could meet in tandem, why didn't it work out as easily?

insinuate

trapped. fettered. confused.

broke free. released. unshackled.

strum his way into my heart

sometimes, all that you ever need is to be constantly reassured that everything will turn out ok. well, today started off fine. best of all, joel was online (after such a long time)! still, the fear of jc life looming ahead pervades. it's like the tremors of an earthquake that has yet to break to the surface. so dense. so solid, and extremely unsettling.

vibes

meet dizzy the beanie baby. yay he's my newest soft toy. this doggy is covered in purple and blue spots! feels young again, doesn't it?

rejection was a painful, bitter pill to swallow.

book craze

went to the central library today with my auntie. wow it was really big like crazay. but somehow the central lending library occupied only one level, while the lee kong chian reference library took up like seven levels.

borrowed this really cute book that teaches you how to cheer yourself up. and it works really well. it's like photos of animals on each page and words at the bottom. and the animals are so cute!!

pet rock

stood outside ngee ann shopping centre from 7pm till 830pm. was watching the wesley groups performing for christmas displays. there were so many people. no wonder i felt lonely.

bang! you're short

last night i dreamt of being shot. shot by a gun. twice. on my back. but i didn't die.

who reads wins

i finally got onto trying to improve my english. so i read a story online, and used dictionary.com on another window to check the meaning of new words that i come across. and i've started reading the newspapers! also, i've picked up john grisham's 'the partner'. best yet, i've signed up for dictonary.com's word of the day.

building up my non-existent vocabulary now. and shanghui thinks that i'm obtuse =( really meh?

2 kinds

one kind of love that makes you feel your existence. to know that someone cares about you and that you mean something to someone.

another kind of love that is so cuddly it makes you feel like you belong to the person. like someone who will protect you and take care of you.

ventriloquism

indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.

albus dumbledore in 'harry potter and the order of the phoenix'

i guess some people can understand that very well. therefore, i would love you to not care about me. perhaps that way i would be able to forget you.

a soliloquy.

enchilada

photos from yesterday!

anything could happen under the sun.

sarah and eileen!

and this is east coast park bbq pit20. look at benben's long neck!

i also happened to catch a ufo you know?

the chicken wings that sarah was so proud to say were her work.

see vanessa showed me her earrings.

and serene's not being shy. she's showing off her nails!

serene and vanessa!

oh and check out this freaky cat. no photoshop involved.

apparently benben got attracted by the cat. call it feline attraction.

but benben tried to kill it! look at how hard he's gripping the cat.

and the cat was simply finger lickin' good.

it this a case of mad cat disease? look at benben's maniacal laughter!

glowing embers.

and weijian said not to look at the moon.

2001/2005

woke up today with some really groggy feeling. didn't really know what happened last night. but today was a big big day. because today was the first time 6A of fmps 2001 was going to try and meet with as many people as possible.

well first was the movie date at lido. there were eight of us. yeenseen, caleb, jianwei, weijian, carmen, kaiherng, edwin and me. jianwei was quite quite unrecognizable. and yeenseen too. we watched king kong, and it was so freaky, with all the slimy creatures. urgh. and it was very sad because king kong died. but i think he died happy. and adrien brody! carmen and i say his nose a bit off-centre.

ok after movie it was back in the hot sun to defrost ourselves. i didn't see taypinghui and jeff wang on the way, but edwin saw! then i only got to see the back view. so we went to the underground foodcourt near scotts i think. got so ripped of by the yoghurt shop. urgh. and carmen recommends bravissimo to all who love gelato and it's '99.5% fat-free' slogan.

and we reached paya lebar at like omg 3.15, when we were supposed to meet at 4. so we went to the big singapore post centre. and no one knows why it's so big. and we went down to the kopitiam and sat down again! so we just relaxed in the air-conditioned place (without having to pay), and talked even more.

then it was 4 and we went back to the mrt station. and there were so many faces we couldn't recognise! or at i least i couldn't. the hardest was serene lah, but after a while it became familiar again. ok, then travelling to east coast park bbq pit20 was a bit of a problem, because our dear daniel just ran off with three other people to grab a cab there. so the rest of us had to find our way there by bus and walk! aiyo walk so long leh.

we found bbq pit20, but there was the newest problem. there was no clean water around! and this was the really pissing part. i took a styrofoam box and went with kaiherng, xavier and weijian, trying to find a tap to get clean water and fill up the box. turned out later that we had to pay to get the water. not that it was a lot, but that it was so darn expensive, it being water. and the best part was, we bargained with him to let us use the toilet and get the water at a discount. omg so pissing lah. couldn't believe that we would even have to bargain on these kind of things. so after we got the water, carrying it back was so simple. because i didn't do it haha. the scout and the st john's one did yay!

didn't really feel hungry, so i didn't eat much. and vanessa offered to be my calorie intake counter. so really ate very little. but it was nice. and anyway, the food wasn't the most important. it was the fact that we were finally meeting up together. and benben turned up later, and his neck still so long! so the rest of the time i spent on taking photos. and i got some really nice photos of the clouds >.< the photos of people turned out quite bad, and there was a freaky cat photo. oh and the cat likes benben. shall post the photos tomorrow.

weijian was telling us about not staring at the cat, because we'll get rabies. and don't point at the moon too. 'watch out.' and carmen has a height and nc-16 problem haha.

ho sheng wanted to watch movie at clementi, since serene and vanessa said it was 'only $5'. so the four of us went to clementi, only to find that it was closed =( so we went to mcdonald's, where serene and vanessa took it some more trans fat. yay! but ho sheng was so mean. and i mean like sooooo mean. he said mixing ketchup with chilli sauce will produce an exothermic reaction. so when i put my hand over the mixture he smashed my hand into it. not funny at all! and to think that i said he became shy. argh i take it all back. he's mean! haha and i played a trick on serene by putting two cups of milo, one on each of her hands. and she got stuck, couldn't do anything but ask for help haha!

ok so it was finally time to go home. today was really fun. and thanks for everything. and serene insisted that i must sms her when i reach home because i very defenceless you know?

and i still couldn't remember what happened last night, what i said or did, if any at all. must definitely go check the chat logs.

purge

somehow i feel so detached from everything. i've been having a very bad case of short-term memory recently. i actually couldn't remember what music i used on this blog. and then when a string of words appeared in my mind i don't know if that's because they came from the harry potter book i was immersed in. worst of all i'm forgetting if i washed my hair already, and so sometimes i think i've shampooed twice. and just now i opened an internet explorer window and found that i'd forgotten which website i wanted to go when i opened the window.

how could you be so obtuse?

angel:
it's not your fault. he's not worth it, so stop crying over it. everything's going to be ok. it's his fault for screwing up your life. so don't you show him how affected you are.

devil:
no it's your own fault. he's got nothing to do with it. your were simply plain dumb and obtuse. you are just screwing up his life and your own.

bad dreams.

déjà vu

it's scary isn't it? the way the purest and most innocent of feelings like trust, faith, and love can turn around and hurt you most deeply.

coup de grâce

i really can't deny it now. because it felt too weird. too nervous. i know it shouldn't be, shouldn't happen. but it just did.

i really don't care.

love potion

oops.

your brother keeps bullying me

this goes out to li shanghui, whose brother keeps bullying me =( he is so mean.

went for hci-nygh concert today. yay wiren was so cheena. and there was this really irritating boy behind who either kept making noise, kicking the chairs, or laughing non-stop. urgh. he so totally spoilt my mood.

vocalise

thanks, you just burst everything single bubble.

spree

borrowed debussy quartet, ravel quartet, shostakovich quartets 5-8, and ravel introduction and allegro for harp, flute, clarinet and string quartet scores. yay that's a quartet spree. now the problem is how to photocopy everything.

but there's another problem. i miss you.

believe it or not

i dreamt of a dinosaur trying to eat me. and the whole adventure took me up a tall rocky mountain with a waterfall. i was on a flat surface, and the dino was on another rock structure above me, and it peeped down and disappeared from view. i sensed it was trying to do a sneak attack. so, i slid downwards and started climbing sideways on a rockwall. then i saw it sticking it's head out again to take a peep.

can't remember what happened after that, but i know the dino didn't get me.

enchant

i suppose everything will start anew.

first, i'm not going to see you next year, much less be in the same class as you. next, even if i do see you around school, you wouldn't notice me. not like you notice anything much anyway. finally, if you see me, you wouldn't acknowledge me. so we'll just walk past each other, without any recognition.

that would be great.

fragile

take a glass cup. drop it on the floor. or use all your might to crash it. watch how it shatters to countless pieces, strewn everywhere across the floor. and now there's only one way to get it all back together. super-glue? perhaps.

well, for one thing, it's difficult to find the matching shards to piece together nicely. for another thing, you could cut yourself while trying to pick up the pieces. and third, it's just not going to look the same after you mend it. there's bound to be flaws everywhere. and blobs of glue sticking around.

it's not going to be the same anymore. 547 days. 169 days.

it's been taking a really long time to heal. and i really wonder whether it would ever heal. you said years later i'll look back and laugh about it. well, that's really easy, pushing everything so far away, just to seek a short-term escapism.

fragile: please handle with care.

dark magic

spent an afternoon at esplanade library with lizheng. no we were at the frank brothers store first. he tested all their cellos. and i had fun playing with their tuning fork. it's really an amazing thing. it's like this tuning fork planted on an open rectangular box. so you knock the metal ends with a rubber stick and the box starts ringing with the tuning note.

went through stacks and stacks of quartet scores. and most of them simply didn't make any sense, just like clegg textbooks, where words just went on and on without any sign of a full-stop. debussy and ravel quartets still stood out amongst the rest, though. very french impressionistic.

kissy-feely

love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

robert frost (1874 - 1963)

i find that 'irresistible' is incredibly difficult to spell. concoct a love potion to poison you. watch how it takes over your mind, spins you out of reality, feeding on the false affection you have. till it controls your heart. fall apart, please.

quid pro quo.

the big logistical hullabaloo

so tired still after the busy week of rehearsals. woke up so early at like 10am today. slept from 1 to 3pm. can't get anymore piggy, can it? all this excess time, it's not doing me any good. i'm simply sitting in front of my computer reading a fantasy fiction and falling into a false sense of reality. and it's making me think of you, in a very hurtful way. and i hate it.

200!

yes and glass-shoe has reached the 200th entry!~

holidays are boring me quite a bit. apart from sleeping and watching movies alone, there's really nothing to do. even walking around singapore is also boring.

christmas is coming!

like temptation walking around stark naked

the opposite of love is not hate. it's indifference. just realised that today. love is just a word. what's important is the connection it implies. besides, it's more than a word; it's a sentence.

indulge.

fire is a good servant but a bad master

was at the greenwave prize presentation today. dr vivian balakrishnan was the guest-of-honour. and he mentioned that conservation was not about saving the world. it's about saving humanity, making earth a habitable place for humans.

hmm quite interesting were some of the submissions. the first prize winners for the secondary school category did a project on uses of hair.

destinée®10

saw an advertisement booklet on this beautiful diamond.

behold her perfect grandeur. when it comes to beauty, this diamond is truly in a class of her own. in the heart of her glamour lies 10 perfectly symmetrical hearts when viewed from the bottom and 10 uniformly proportioned arrowheads when viewed from the top. the distinctive visual hallmark of 10 perfect hearts and arrows can only come from the exacting artistry of the best master cutter.

the destinée®10 diamond has 71 perfect facets, and excludes the culet. without the culet, light does not escape through the diamond. instead, everything is reflected back to you in a magnificent blaze, treating you to the most spectacular visual delight you can ever imagine!

spirit

amazing people.

p.s. take care of e little ones

feel so crappy about the syo concert now. played a right note at the wrong time in the middle of all the silence. and i really feel as though i destroyed the whole thing.

get out and close the door.

don't want to go and watch with you.

so everyone was very happy after the concert. but i couldn't stay. ran home as fast as i could.

crystallize

the experiments i did in school with azrin:

copper(II) sulphate

and the same one after 3 months

this is chrome alum. (potassium chromium double sulphate)

away

isn't it amazing what dreams and lots of money can do?

bit myself today.

blue tequila

staring through the blueness of copper(II) sulphate solution.

so tempted by it's blueness, to actually drink it.

but urgh, it's disgusting taste.

V=RI

and rise pulls off yet another wonderful concert. i must say i won't forget this concert. it was so wonderful. shanghui's solo was so very wonderful too. and katryna tan's encore was equally enchanting.

prokofieff classical symphony was so difficult, but i think i managed to conceal the fact that i couldn't play it properly. oops haha. and the ending notes were in tune! even kuangnan was proud that his high d was correct.

everyone seemed happy.

think i'm gonna miss it.

this week has been so very busy. and i'm so physically tired. and there's still syo concert this saturday. please support! victoria concert hall, 1930h, $5 or $8. hmm i do hope i don't have to un-dye my hair.

parla inglese?

dove si trova l'amore?