when darkness turns to light

does the chance for love really pass and never come back?

last night, i cried over you again after reading something that i probably shouldn't have seen. i know this is a bad time to think about you, but we don't just let go of the best thing that happens to us.

i suppose it rained over the night.

despite the fine weather today, i think it has been a very hurtful day. my first island creamery experience just got destroyed. i imagined it to be a happy and warm thing, but in effect i just ate alone. someone also told me that i'm half-human. that my existence is just wrong.

and it does feel all wrong. it's not supposed to be like that. there shouldn't have to be any hurt in this world. girls should be girls and boys should be boys. you know what i really want? i want to stop studying. i want to find love and start a family. i want to cook and clean the house for my family. homemaker - that's the gender-neutral word for it, isn't it? because boys are not supposed to become housewives.

i watched raywen and lois play with a shuttlecock and i felt that i just didn't belong.

if i ever became a mother, i promise to love my children unconditionally.

i am truly tired today. but as darkness turns to light, we will all pretend that nothing of the past ever happened, because people live in the now. there isn't much to care about the past.