07S06Q, B48

learnt the new batch song today. and got my new class. james is in the same class as me. but i think he's really upset about it. treasure hunt game took us from bishan to toa payoh to ang mo kio to toa payoh. and we were tied up in pairs. omg so embarrassing to even go onto a bus. and that was most of the day gone. my heart just suddenly hurt when i was watching the skit in the hall. don't know why, maybe it's because i didn't see you again today. sat and watched while everyone around me danced. i'm never gonna get the dance moves correct.

on the verge of tears. a heartache for no apparent reason.

i couldn't really take it. so tired, physically, emotionally, mentally. so i told keith that i wasn't going for dinner. but i actually went to cry. curse myself for being so weak yet again. perhaps someone like me can never really fit in anywhere, but at least i've tried.

walked past mcdonald's alone. heard that laughter from a group of students. a sudden hollow feeling. i would have loved to join in the orientation group dinner, and the dances at esplanade after that. but maybe it's the fear of rejection. like one odd person in a sea of other people. so completely lost, and everyone else is simply watching and laughing at you.

the moon smiled at me while i was on my way home. but soon after, a gloomy sky loomed. and there was a storm. a binge on ice cream. nothing much to do, so i completed the contact list for the orientation group as keith asked. hope they're having fun at esplanade. not that i mind. in fact, i'm think i'm used to self-exclusion. quite used to being odd.

i can't fit in, because i'm odd.